Prayers of Paul (this prints out nicely on a single side of one page. I have it in two columns with my favorite phrases bolded)
Rom. 15:5 ¶ May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6 that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ... 13 ¶ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Phil 1:9 ¶ And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
Eph.1:16 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power in us who believe, according to the working of his great might
Eph.3:14 ¶ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.
I Thess 5:23 ¶ May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Col. 1:9 ¶ And so, from the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 to lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 ¶ giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
I Thess.1:2 ¶ We give thanks to God always for you all, constantly mentioning you in our prayers,
3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.
I Thess. 3:9 For what thanksgiving can we render to God for you, for all the joy which we feel for your sake before our God, 10 praying earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face and supply what is lacking in your faith? 11 ¶ Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you; 12 and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all men, as we do to you, 13 so that he may establish your hearts unblamable in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
II Thess1:11 ¶ To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his call, and may fulfil every good resolve and work of faith by his power, 12 so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
II Thess. 2:16 ¶ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, 17 comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.
II Thess 3:5 May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
This was a handout from a mission class at Elim Bible College:
quote:
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .
2. Proud people are seIf-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.
3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .
4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.
6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.
8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.
9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .
10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .
11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don't deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.
15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.
16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.
17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.
18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.
19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.
22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God's spirit.
23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.
24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them
25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.
26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.
27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light
28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
29. Proud people are unbroken and don't think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
quote:
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .
2. Proud people are seIf-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.
3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .
4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.
6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.
8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.
9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .
10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .
11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don't deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.
15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.
16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.
17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.
18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.
19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.
22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God's spirit.
23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.
24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them
25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.
26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.
27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light
28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
29. Proud people are unbroken and don't think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Procrastination
This is from John Powell SJ's book Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?
It struck me because my 21 yo son is a procrastinator and I realize now, how my/our parenting has contributed to it
It struck me because my 21 yo son is a procrastinator and I realize now, how my/our parenting has contributed to it
quote:
It has been said that the greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making mistakes. Indecision and uncertainty are ways of avoiding mistakes and responsibility. If no decision is made nothing can go wrong. The inclination to avoid decisions is sometimes manifested by dragging out as long as possible the ones we actually must make. The only real mistake is not learning from our mistakes.
The basic problem here is self esteem and the protection of self-esteem. People who are indecisive fear that they will lose respect if their decision turns out to be wrong. Only little men, someone has said, are never wrong. We learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. But the indecisive person is so focused on his own ego and personal value that he does not see the validity of all these truths. The name of the game is safety and self-protection; the motto: Nothing attempted, nothing lost.
Very often, too, indecisiveness results in people who have been programed by multitudinous (and sometimes contradictory) instructions and moralizing, or who have been reproached and embarrassed for past mistakes. Finally, indecisiveness can result in a person's attempting to support more emotionally burdening problems than he can solve. He usually becomes rattled and can decide none of them
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
"When you find yourself in a difficult marriage..."
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?
When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that's not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.
The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times
The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you'd marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he's called you to be and to do the work he's created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: "He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God's grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God's provision, care, and life-giving strength....
That's the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he's beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God's Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live...
By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.
"We can't guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it."
How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?
When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that's not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.
The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times
The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you'd marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he's called you to be and to do the work he's created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: "He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God's grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God's provision, care, and life-giving strength....
That's the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he's beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God's Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live...
By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.
"We can't guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it."
Sacred Influence - "God, not your marital status, defines your life."- #1
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Is that true of you? The more it is, the more success your will have in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit their influence.
Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care much about what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you? Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you? When their opinion doesn’t matter; they may communicate clearly, honestly, and practically- but you’re still not going to listen to them. In the same way, if your husband doesn’t respect you, if you have sinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better? (Pg 21)
...if you will do almost anything to gain his acceptance- then you’ve just given to a man what rightfully belongs to God alone.
And that means you’ve turned marriage into idol worship.
When you do that, both you and your husband lose....
In addition, how will you ever find the courage to confront someone whose acceptance so determines your sense of well being that you believe you can’t exist without him? How will you ever take the risk to say what needs to be said if you think your future depends on your husband’s favor toward you? (Pg. 27)
If you truly want to love, motivate, and influence your husband, your first step must be to connect- and to stay connected- with God. Find your refuge, security, comfort, strength, and hope in him. (Pg. 28)
It’s not your pain that motivates him but his pain. You have to be willing to create an environment... in which your spouse will be motivated by his pain. This is a courageous and healthy movement toward your spouse and toward preserving and strengthening your marriage, and is an act of commitment, not rebellion (pg. 31)
Once you fully understand your status before God, you need never again live at the mercy of a man’s approval. (Pg. 33)
More from from Sacred Influence
More from from Sacred Influence
Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:
Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:
quote:In addition to addressing how to deal with an angry husband, he has chapters for women married to unbelievers, workaholics, a man having an affair, etc. I didn't read those. I read Chapter 14 "Pure Passion" which addresses- in part- the problem of porn:
When a man is condescending and dictatorial toward his wife, when he treats her like hired help, when he requires her to dole out sexual favors on demand- the last place he should look to justify his lifestyle is in the Bible. His actions and attitudes offend God's revealed will and written Word. This is not marriage as God designed it, and it is not what Genesis, Proverbs, and Paul teach regarding the roles of husband and wife. (pg. 86)
quote:
Let me put it this way: 51 percent of pastors cite cyberporn as a possible temptation, and 37 percent confess it as a current struggle. In facty, four out of every ten pastors have visited a porn site. Sixty-six percent of the the men attending a church seminar admitted to struggling with porn in the past year; two thirds of these men serve in church leadership...
'The philosophical message of porn is that women are sex objects intended for the male's pleasure...
Only the rare husband, maybe one out of a thousand will listen to you rather than resent you when you stand up to his sexual demands. He will need to hear it from someone else... (pg 197)
Sacred Influence - "Taming Husband's Anger"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas-
Chapter 10 Taming the Temper Part 1: Self Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger
Chapter 10 Taming the Temper Part 1: Self Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger
As long as a woman blames herself for causing her husband’s temper, she ignores the real problem: she’s the target, not the cause. As long as a woman thinks she causes the anger, she accepts blame for her husband’s problem.... you need to know that it’s impossible to live with an angry man without making him angry. But you can remove yourself as the target.
Ray grew up with a very critical alcoholic father who taught him that relationships are built on extremely high expectations. Ray admits, “Sometimes I have little patience, and yes, I can be intolerant of other people’s patterns...”
At first, Jo responded to Ray’s angry tone with defensiveness and guilt, thinking she was most likely in the wrong. But after Jo analyzed several confrontations, she eventually decided Ray wasn’t always right, which led her to react with anger of her own- and that only made things worse...
As I said before, you are most vulnerable to sin when you are sinned against. Your husband’s inappropriate expression of anger does not excuse your inappropriate expression of anger: “He who loves a quarrel loves sin” (Proverbs 17:9). ...
Jo... explains, “What I sensed God saying to me was to use communication that was direct and nonattacking and that showed self-respect: ‘This is what I need from you,’ or ‘Would you please communicate in a way that isn’t so frightening?’”... Note the spiritual foundation behind this transformation: Jo allowed God to change her which resulted in her husband’s spiritual growth.
Ray explains, “Before, if I was condescending to her or demeaning or critical, then she would respond very quickly and very angrily back: ‘Don’t talk to me that way! Don’t use that tone of voice when you’re talking to me!” Her face would get tight and tense, and I thought, ‘ Boy she’s really hurting. I’ve touched a deep nerve in there somewhere’ but I didn’t understand why she was making such a big deal out of it.’
In the midst of subsequent blowups, Jo concentrated on being firm but gentle. “I need for you to reword that so I don’t feel so defensive.” ... “I care about you very much, and I need you to know that what you said was hurtful”. She dropped the sharp “Don’t talk to me that way!”
According to Ray, Jo’s previous method of communicating “just made me feel guilty. I already knew I had *****ed up, and here she was piling it on... And when you already feel low about yourself... you’re more likely yo strike back and escalate the intensity.”
Ray says that what made him the angriest was being misunderstood. He believes that Jo sometimes just looked at his behavior without giving him the benefit of the doubt. That perplexed and frustrated him which would escalate into anger. In fact, Ray believes, on many occasions he had good intentions, but when Jo assumed the worst, he became frustrated , which in turn made him angry- and then he chose to lash out.
Sacred Influence- "Taming Husband's Anger"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Spiritual Preparation
There’s another principle we can learn from Jo’s experience: in order to confront anger in your man, you’re going to need to put your own spiritual house in order; otherwise you’ll likely lack the strength, courage, and perspective to help your husband...
When you live with an angry man, you not only crave but literally need God’s affirmation. Men can be very cruel with their cutting comments if you aren’t receiving affirmation and affection from your heavenly Father, you’re going to feel emotionally empty and perhaps even worthless- and that will feed into your husband’s response and tempt you to become even more of a doormat...
So if you’re living with an angry man, please accept my encouragement to spend all that much more time in worship, prayer, and Christian community so that you can soak up the love, affirmation, and affection you need for a healthy spiritual life. From such a strong spiritual core, you can face the hurt and frustration in your marriage as Jo did.
Armed with her standing before God, Jo made it clear to Ray that while she wanted to understand his frustration, she would not put up with verbal harassment....
Ray says, “I wanted to recognize her needs. When Jo stood up to me, it told me she valued herself. SO I valued her. It made me understand that Jo is a person with a lot of Character; she cares about herself, and I think every man wants that . I don’t think men want a woman they can just run over...”
This goes back to the point made in the very first chapter; respect is vital in a marriage, and not just for a woman toward her man, but also for a man toward his wife. If your husband doesn’t respect you, you’re going to have a very difficult time influencing him in any significant way. And if you don’t respect yourself, you’ll make it that much more difficult for you husband to respect you...
Angry men sometimes tell me something they rarely tell their wives: they feel ashamed of how they’ve acted; they hate what they’ve become. In most cases when you help a husband tame his temper, you’re helping him to become th kind of man he wants to be.
Sacred Influence- "Helping Him Love You"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Helping Him Love You
In her role as an inspirational speaker, Jo has met many women whose husbands have cowed them into an “unhealthy doormat mode”. Sadly, sometimes this posture gets couched in religious language and represents a complete misreading of biblical submission. Jo observes, “Women don’t tell men what they need because we’ve been taught its selfish to even think of ourselves. In fact, some of us aren’t in touch with our own feelings enough to even know what we need...”
This “martyr” method of marriage, though common among well meaning Christian women, shortchanges both husband and wife. Your husband will prosper spiritually and personally by excelling in loving you. God designed marriage, in part, to help both husband and wife grow in character. If you do all the sacrificing, if your husband runs over you, he’s not growing; he’s shrinking, spiritually speaking. He’s becoming lower in character. You may well become a saint after living with such a man for twenty years, but he is going to become increasingly miserable, because ultimately, any man who treats others poorly begins to despise himself. This might sound backward, but you need to love your husband by teaching him how to love you, because its spiritually healthy for him to grow in loving you.
At one time, the thought of telling her husband what she needed would have sounded selfish to Jo, and she would have dismissed the thought. She has since learned that respect matters and that a husband won’t truly love a woman for whom he has no respect. Jo realized that if she didn’t respect herself, her husband would adopt that same attitude of disrespect....
An angry husband often acts as if only his wife needs to change. This is a false view based on a lack of respect.
Sacred Influence- "Taming... Husband's Anger: Spiritual Lessons"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Spiritual Lessons
In addition to changing her verbal presentation with Ray, Jo went through a threefold spiritual process to see who she was in Christ. The biblical way in which God honors women- and the affirming way in which Jesus treated women- contrasted starkly with the subservient description she often heard applied to women in many churches. “When I looked into Scripture and realized who I was in Christ, I started valuing that. God thinks of me as a person of value and I needed to agree with him!” She had learned the truth highlighted earlier: God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Next, Jo applied this same “person of value” approach to Ray: “Not only does God value me as a woman and wife; he values Ray as a man and husband. When Ray spoke to me out of anger, I didn’t value him as God does. I resented him. I feared him. But I didn’t value him. It wasn’t until I stood up to Ray that I could begin to value him....
When a woman truly values a man she stands up to him and says, “You’re better than that. Don’t do this to yourself or us” A faithful sister in Christ challenges her man to grow in grace, mercy, and humility...
It was not God’s best for Ray to let his temper direct his relationships. “Many Christian spouses do not hold each other accountable.” Jo warns...
By holding each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ, we not only address issues that have the potential to wreck our families; we also help each other learn how to better relate to people in general. Genuine believers will welcome this process of sanctification.
Spiritual Lessons
In addition to changing her verbal presentation with Ray, Jo went through a threefold spiritual process to see who she was in Christ. The biblical way in which God honors women- and the affirming way in which Jesus treated women- contrasted starkly with the subservient description she often heard applied to women in many churches. “When I looked into Scripture and realized who I was in Christ, I started valuing that. God thinks of me as a person of value and I needed to agree with him!” She had learned the truth highlighted earlier: God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Next, Jo applied this same “person of value” approach to Ray: “Not only does God value me as a woman and wife; he values Ray as a man and husband. When Ray spoke to me out of anger, I didn’t value him as God does. I resented him. I feared him. But I didn’t value him. It wasn’t until I stood up to Ray that I could begin to value him....
When a woman truly values a man she stands up to him and says, “You’re better than that. Don’t do this to yourself or us” A faithful sister in Christ challenges her man to grow in grace, mercy, and humility...
It was not God’s best for Ray to let his temper direct his relationships. “Many Christian spouses do not hold each other accountable.” Jo warns...
By holding each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ, we not only address issues that have the potential to wreck our families; we also help each other learn how to better relate to people in general. Genuine believers will welcome this process of sanctification.
Sacred Influence- from "Taming the Temper Part 2"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
from Chapter 11- Taming the Temper Part 2: Learning to Navigate through Your Husband’s Anger
If you live with an angry man, this is your "spiritual marathon". You're going to be challenged in ways that may terrify you. Women who marry abusive men often had abusive fathers, and they've developed a lifelong portrait of themselves as victims. It will go against every learned response in your hurting soul to finally stand up and say you're not going to take it anymore- but doing so is the pathway to healing, hope, and a healthier marriage.
You may feel terrified, but think with me about a future in which you are supported instead of threatened, in which you feel adored instead of attacked and appreciated instead of insulted. Isn't it worth the risk for you and your children, to work toward such a marriage?...
Your God is with you, and his people will surround you. Spend some time asking God to bring some helpers into your life before you act; this may be the wisest step you can take. And then more forward from there. If you keep stepping out in faith, you'll discover just how strong you can become in Christ- and that's a valuable life lesson. If you persevere in this, you won't even recognize yourself several years down the road. That timid, fearful, victimized personality will vanish in favor or a strong, wise, bold, and courageous woman of faith.
"Sacred Influence" - STOP the generational pattern!
Thomas does not rule out separation from an unrepentantly abusive husband.
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas:
quote:
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If as a result of this confrontation he chooses to repent and seek to grow, in the end he'll thank you. After he confronts his behavior and begins to make changes, he'll find it far more fulfilling to love, nurture, encourage, and support a woman than to abuse one. If he doesn't repent, you certainly do face some dark days ahead; but in the end, that will be better than remaining in a home where you fear for your life. Furthermore, you'll teach your children that their father's behavior simply isn't acceptable. Your daughters will learn not to put up with that kind of behavior, and your courageous action can help to stop a generational pattern of destruction. pg 155
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from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas:
quote:
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If as a result of this confrontation he chooses to repent and seek to grow, in the end he'll thank you. After he confronts his behavior and begins to make changes, he'll find it far more fulfilling to love, nurture, encourage, and support a woman than to abuse one. If he doesn't repent, you certainly do face some dark days ahead; but in the end, that will be better than remaining in a home where you fear for your life. Furthermore, you'll teach your children that their father's behavior simply isn't acceptable. Your daughters will learn not to put up with that kind of behavior, and your courageous action can help to stop a generational pattern of destruction. pg 155
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Beth Moore on Solitude
from Beth Moore's "Beloved Disciple" pg 79-80
...we are each on our own before God. Every life is separate and distinct. We may think we have partnerships in life or ministry without which we cannot exist or operate. We may think that everything in the Christian experience is about body life, but it’s not. Yes, we’re all parts of the body of Christ, and we function in each generation as parts of a whole; but until we each stand before God with a shocking awareness of our solitary standing, I’m not sure we have a clue about our part.
I don’t believe that one of us who is serious about God will forego this test. It’s no 30 minute quiz; it’s a lifelong essay test written in blood. Will we loose our hold on anything and anyone else as a prerequisite to following Christ in the intensity of aloneness? If you can answer quickly, I’m not sure you grasp the question’s seriousness....
moments come when the awareness of my solitary estate before God so radically overwhelms me that I fall to my knees and weep. Bitterly. Frighteningly. The feeling is so intense that at times I can hardly bear it...
How much of your life you’ve invested in Jesus Christ is the issue. Have we held some back for ourselves- just in case He’s not as real, as powerful, as active as we thought? Just in case He doesn’t come through? Just in case He really can’t be taken at His Word? Or have we banked everything we have and everything we are on the reality that Jesus Christ is Lord of all the earth? We will never fulfill our destinies until our hope is built on nothing less.
We can lock arms with fellow servants just as the disciples did. We will experience a measure of God’s anointing and perform some significant works. For the parts of a whole to work as God intended them, however, each part must stand on its own before a highly personal God. If we insist on a boat full of company, we’ll miss the waves where we ride only one at a time. When a wave of loneliness suddenly erupts, ride it. Let your stomach rise and fall with fear and peculiar excitement. Don’t fight the feeling. Don’t just busy yourself. Ride the wave straight into the presence of God and experience the adventure of feeling you’re the only one there.
The intensity of your solitary estate is often most obvious when you fight to reconcile the facts of life with the words of faith. Do you grapple with questions like, Why did God let my brother die but perform a miracle for my best friend? I’m not sure if John ever figured this one out...
Solitude is not so much the place we find answers as the place we decide if we’re going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and majestic God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don’t realize how real He is until we’ve experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakable conviction that He is utterly and supremely God.
...we are each on our own before God. Every life is separate and distinct. We may think we have partnerships in life or ministry without which we cannot exist or operate. We may think that everything in the Christian experience is about body life, but it’s not. Yes, we’re all parts of the body of Christ, and we function in each generation as parts of a whole; but until we each stand before God with a shocking awareness of our solitary standing, I’m not sure we have a clue about our part.
I don’t believe that one of us who is serious about God will forego this test. It’s no 30 minute quiz; it’s a lifelong essay test written in blood. Will we loose our hold on anything and anyone else as a prerequisite to following Christ in the intensity of aloneness? If you can answer quickly, I’m not sure you grasp the question’s seriousness....
moments come when the awareness of my solitary estate before God so radically overwhelms me that I fall to my knees and weep. Bitterly. Frighteningly. The feeling is so intense that at times I can hardly bear it...
How much of your life you’ve invested in Jesus Christ is the issue. Have we held some back for ourselves- just in case He’s not as real, as powerful, as active as we thought? Just in case He doesn’t come through? Just in case He really can’t be taken at His Word? Or have we banked everything we have and everything we are on the reality that Jesus Christ is Lord of all the earth? We will never fulfill our destinies until our hope is built on nothing less.
We can lock arms with fellow servants just as the disciples did. We will experience a measure of God’s anointing and perform some significant works. For the parts of a whole to work as God intended them, however, each part must stand on its own before a highly personal God. If we insist on a boat full of company, we’ll miss the waves where we ride only one at a time. When a wave of loneliness suddenly erupts, ride it. Let your stomach rise and fall with fear and peculiar excitement. Don’t fight the feeling. Don’t just busy yourself. Ride the wave straight into the presence of God and experience the adventure of feeling you’re the only one there.
The intensity of your solitary estate is often most obvious when you fight to reconcile the facts of life with the words of faith. Do you grapple with questions like, Why did God let my brother die but perform a miracle for my best friend? I’m not sure if John ever figured this one out...
Solitude is not so much the place we find answers as the place we decide if we’re going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and majestic God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don’t realize how real He is until we’ve experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakable conviction that He is utterly and supremely God.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Beth Moore Confesses
quote from "Beloved Disciple"
'It's high time I made a blatant confession. I am a Christian hedonist. Have been for years even before I knew what it means. I wish I had better words for it, but let me just say Jesus makes me happy! He thrills me! He nearly takes my breath away with His beauty. As seriously as I know how to tell you, I am at times so overwhelmed by His love for me, my face blushes with intensity and my heart races with holy anticipation. Jesus is the uncontested delight of my life. I never intended for this to happen. I didn't even know it was possible. It all started with an in-depth study of His Word in my late 20s and then surged, oddly enough, with a near emotional and mental collapse in my early 30s. At the end of myself I came to the beginning of an intensity of relationship with Christ that no one told me was possible. Now I spend my life telling anyone who will listen...
CS Lewis wrote... "if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."'
'It's high time I made a blatant confession. I am a Christian hedonist. Have been for years even before I knew what it means. I wish I had better words for it, but let me just say Jesus makes me happy! He thrills me! He nearly takes my breath away with His beauty. As seriously as I know how to tell you, I am at times so overwhelmed by His love for me, my face blushes with intensity and my heart races with holy anticipation. Jesus is the uncontested delight of my life. I never intended for this to happen. I didn't even know it was possible. It all started with an in-depth study of His Word in my late 20s and then surged, oddly enough, with a near emotional and mental collapse in my early 30s. At the end of myself I came to the beginning of an intensity of relationship with Christ that no one told me was possible. Now I spend my life telling anyone who will listen...
CS Lewis wrote... "if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."'
Saturday, December 1, 2007
from "Boundaries in Marriage" quote #2
from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend
Yet, love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: "Perfect love casts out fear" (I John 4:18). And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...Boundaries in Marriage is fundamentally about love. It is about promoting it, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you develop love through providing a better environment for it; one of freedom and responsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in. They protect love by protecting individuals.
Yet, love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: "Perfect love casts out fear" (I John 4:18). And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...Boundaries in Marriage is fundamentally about love. It is about promoting it, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you develop love through providing a better environment for it; one of freedom and responsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in. They protect love by protecting individuals.
from "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud & Townsend
Here is an excerpt from Boundaries in Marriage about two different routes marriage can take. Mine is moving from "Harold and Sarah" to "Frank and Julia"Quoted from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend
A Tale of Two Couples...
With Harold and Sarah, I enjoyed a buffet dinner where you get a ticket for various parts of the meal and you have to leave the table with your ticket and go get your item. The dinner was winding down; we were ready for dessert. Harold reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his dessert ticket. Tossing it in front of Sarah, he said casually, “Sarah, dessert.” Not “Please, Sarah, will you get my dessert for me?” And certainly not “Can I get your dessert, honey?” Harold was assuming Sarah would obediently comply with his two word command.I didn’t know what to say, so I sat there and watched. Sarah was clearly embarrassed by Harold’s public display of control. She sat there for a couple of seconds, apparently deciding what to do. Then she seemed to gather her courage and quietly but forcefully said, “Why don’t you get your own dessert?”Harold looked surprised. Evidently he wasn’t used to her refusing to obey his commands. However, he recovered, made a weak joke about uppity women, and left the table to redeem his ticket. While he was gone, Sarah said to me, “Sorry, I just couldn’t let it go this time with my friends here.” I felt so sad for Sarah, realizing that her reaction to her husband tonight was the exception rather than the rule. I also realized that, on a deeper level, while Harold and Sarah were legally connected, they were emotionally disconnected. Their hearts were not knit together.
Frank and Julia were different. I was traveling and they were hosting me. We went to their home after dinner. After awhile it was time for me to return to my hotel, and I needed a ride. Julia, a counselor like me, was primarily responsible for my trip and had been chauffeuring me to various speaking engagements and meetings. So clearly she was the person to take me back.
However, Frank looked at his wife and said, “You look tired, honey. I’ll take John back to his hotel.” I could see the conflict in Julia’s face between her duty to me and her need for rest. Finally, she said “Okay, thanks.” And Frank drove me to the hotel.
The next day, at the conference, I talked to Julia. I remarked on Frank’s kindness in offering the ride and on her struggle with taking the offer. She said, “It wasn’t always that way. In out twenties, he wouldn’t have offered, and I wouldn’t have taken the offer. But we worked on this issue a lot during those days. I had to put my foot down on some issues, and we almost divorced. It was a difficult period, but it has paid off. We can’t imagine not being each other’s soul mates.” During my time with them, I had observed that Frank’s and Julia’s hearts were knit together, that they were emotionally connected.
Though both couples had many years of marriage experience, each couple’s love and relationship had taken very different turns. Harold and Sarah were unable to love deeply and relate to each other, because Harold controlled Sarah and Sarah allowed him to control her . They had what are called major boundary conflicts, in which one person crosses the lines of responsibility and respect with another. When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom.
from "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud & Townsend #3
from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend
Let’s suppose your spouse is aware of your feelings and concerns, but ignores, minimizes, or otherwise resists your boundaries. If this is your situation, you have some work ahead of you. It is hard work, but it can also be the most productive thing you will ever do for your marriage...You must not approach this problem as if you are a team. At this point, you have an adversary. Like a child having a tantrum, your spouse may hate you for entering the world of boundaries. So understand that you are on your own, within the marriage, in approaching the issue. Actually, you are not alone; you have God... But you don’t expect much cooperation from your spouse.A few things you may be tempted to do will not help the situation at all. Remember these, tape them in your wallet and DON’T DO THEM!
- Don’t deny or minimize the situation if it is a significant boundary problem. Hiding from reality doesn’t change reality.
-Don’t ignore the situation, hoping it will get better. Time alone does not heal character immaturity.
-DON’T become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. Again, character issues demand more than love in order to mature.
-Don’t nag. Repeating the same protest over and over never changed anyone (Prov 21:9)
-Don’t be constantly surprised at your spouse’s behavior. This is a sign of a defensive hoping against hope. When out-of-control people have no external forces causing them pain, they generally stay out-of-control. Expect things to stay the same until you initiate changes within the marriage.
-Don’t blame. Very few marriage boundary conflicts involve an all innocent and all guilty party. Take ownership of your part of the issue, taking the log out of your own eye. (Matt 7:5)
-Don’t take total ownership of the problem. If you rescue your partner from his part, you will only make the issue worse (Prov 19:19)
Let’s suppose your spouse is aware of your feelings and concerns, but ignores, minimizes, or otherwise resists your boundaries. If this is your situation, you have some work ahead of you. It is hard work, but it can also be the most productive thing you will ever do for your marriage...You must not approach this problem as if you are a team. At this point, you have an adversary. Like a child having a tantrum, your spouse may hate you for entering the world of boundaries. So understand that you are on your own, within the marriage, in approaching the issue. Actually, you are not alone; you have God... But you don’t expect much cooperation from your spouse.A few things you may be tempted to do will not help the situation at all. Remember these, tape them in your wallet and DON’T DO THEM!
- Don’t deny or minimize the situation if it is a significant boundary problem. Hiding from reality doesn’t change reality.
-Don’t ignore the situation, hoping it will get better. Time alone does not heal character immaturity.
-DON’T become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. Again, character issues demand more than love in order to mature.
-Don’t nag. Repeating the same protest over and over never changed anyone (Prov 21:9)
-Don’t be constantly surprised at your spouse’s behavior. This is a sign of a defensive hoping against hope. When out-of-control people have no external forces causing them pain, they generally stay out-of-control. Expect things to stay the same until you initiate changes within the marriage.
-Don’t blame. Very few marriage boundary conflicts involve an all innocent and all guilty party. Take ownership of your part of the issue, taking the log out of your own eye. (Matt 7:5)
-Don’t take total ownership of the problem. If you rescue your partner from his part, you will only make the issue worse (Prov 19:19)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
“To offer to domineer over the conscience is to assault the citadel of heaven.”
quoted from The Vashti-Esther Story
God placed before Esther the duty of ruling Ahasuerus for the good of his realm and for the saving of the Jews from annihilation. Her conscience bade her to obey God alone, which she did it at the risk of her life. Esther found her first step in obedience to God was a transgression of two laws of the kingdom in which her husband ruled. The most recent law required the resigning of her conscience to his will, which Esther did not do. The other law bore a death penalty for disobedience unless the king offered his golden scepter for a pledge of good faith. She passed successfully through both ordeals.
The next step was to interfere between the king and his dearest friend, Haman. The tie was broken and Haman was hanged shortly after by the king's order. The king would have stopped here with the death of Haman, but Esther did not allow it. The king must undo a law of the Medes and Persians, "which is unchangeable" (8: 8), and the law to slaughter the Jews was of that order (3:10,12).
The sixth chapter of Daniel tells us how King Darius became entrapped in his own law of the Medes and Persians, "which altereth not," and was obliged to allow Daniel to be cast into the den lion's den. He labored all day to save Daniel, spent a sleepless night while Daniel was in the den, and "very early" in the morning with weeping and lamentation. By a miracle of God, King Darius found Daniel unharmed after a night with the lions. Esther had to break through this kind of law to deliver her people from annihilation. Her tears, pleading and pressure (Esther 8:3-6) on the king found a way. Another law was proclaimed as extensively as the law of destruction. The Jews were to be armed in order to defend themselves. Government officials in all places were instructed to assist the Jews to be ready for the attack on the appointed day for their slaughter, and they gave much help. (Esther 9:3)
Ahasuerus had the reputation with historians of being self-indulgent; indolent and careless. Certainly he showed these qualities in allowing Haman to proclaim such a law in the king’s name. Esther rendered great service to her king besides saving her people in getting this ill-considered law reversed.
His realm was formed out of all kinds of petty nations tribes and clans—many of them fierce and lawless, living by depredations upon others. Alexander the Great, who conquered Medo-Persia in B.C. 333, neglected the country and allowed it to fall to pieces because he did not prize it.
To be sure, the despots of those early times did not exercise any scruples when occasionally killing off a tribe of a few hundred. Doubtless, Ahasuerus got this troublesome idea from Haman.
Because the Jews existed in vast numbers throughout the realm, the king was amazed and thrown into a passion. He saw that his whole country would be thrown into confusion. With the legalization of killing of prey, quickly no life would be safe, Jew or Gentile after the slaughtering got under way. But he seems to have thought all was stopped when the mischief-maker Haman was hanged.
Esther’s second risk to go unto the king unbidden secured an antidote law against Haman’s, and yet 800 men in Shushan alone, knowing well the proclamation that the Jews were armed; fell upon the Jews presented swords and spears, hoping to overthrow them for the sake of booty. Because they were after Jewish prey, 75,000 men throughout the provinces perished for their folly in attacking the Jews. Thus, the country was ridded of ten thousands of brigands, who fell through their own rashness.
The law of defense provided for the Jews to take the prey of those they killed, but it is recorded three times that the Jews “laid not their hands to the prey.” They merely defended themselves.
It does not require a very lively imagination to understand that a situation not unlike civil war had been brought about by Haman’s foolhardy meddling with government, when nearly 76,000 were left dead on the battlefield, not to number the wounded; and the conflict extended all over the realm. This was not an affair confine to the Jews. It was non-Jews who suffered death—but the lawless and not the better elements of the population.
All had passed through the real peril of violence from the bandit mob, which was brought into activity by Haman’s law and refused to be assuaged by the antidote law. Therefore, all rejoiced when order was restored and not the Jews alone but certainly the most. Their nation has been rescued, and the Feast of Purim was established as a memorial for all time.
But what about that decree that was the result of Vashti’s disobedience, instructing all wives to give honor to their lords, both great and small, lest Vashti’s conduct should, by example, encourage women to despise their lords (“husbands”), and there would arise “too much contempt and wrath?” (1:18)
It was forgotten when it became known throughout the provinces that their king had such a wonderful, as well as most beautiful, queen. The king was so devoted to her. Esther had great influence over him for the good of their country. She influenced him to find a way to combat a vicious law that had been proclaimed to kill and plunder all the Jews. This mischievous law would have run into indiscriminate plundering.
The women forgot to copy Vashti, alas, even in her modesty and also in her disobedience. They didn’t heed her case as a warning. However, we believe they copied everything they could learn about Esther, her style of dress and all that. Sometimes they said to their husbands, “It’s a wise plan to sometimes listen to and act upon a wife’s opinions as the king does.” Probably, husbands said, “I do wish women wasted less time in gossip and on their hair and fingernails, and took an interest in the welfare of the nation, like the queen.”
Many people of the land became Jews, “for the fear of the Jews fell upon them.” (8:17). We suppose they said, “Our queen looks well to the interests of her people, and she has great influence over the king. One might almost think he is a Jew, too. It won’t do to mistreat a Jew. I think I will join the Jews and keep myself in their favor—that is the safe side.”
The whole atmosphere of women’s life in Persia must have altered considerably after Jehovah inaugurated His attack through Esther upon that law which placed Jehovah in a position secondary to her husband. The first part of the Ten Commandments should be first in every wife’s life, “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.” Vashti and Esther both put conscience, God, first.
When God sent Moses to Pharoah, He armed him with the demand: “Let My people go, that they may serve Me.” The teaching is “they cannot serve me when service is regulated by any other master than Myself.” No more can a wife render service to a husband lawfully except as god, not the husband, regulates the service. Otherwise, she serves man and not God and is an idolater to that extent.
Let us repeat: The second and only other appearance of God as the “I AM” after His revelation of that name to Moses when He came as an Emancipator (Exodus 3:14), is here in Esther 7:5 in the sentence, “Who is he, and where is he”—and it is Jehovah who interrupts, as it were, to give answer, “It is the Emancipator, the I Am: I am here.”
The story of Vashti and Esther does not end with the Jews’ deliverance from death, though that was soon experienced. It did not begin with, nor does it end, with Esther. It began with Vashti, and it ends with a broader purpose than Esther’s nation, which it includes—a purpose that includes Gentiles like Vashti.
“Jehovah” was first revealed to Moses (Exodus 6:3), Covenant-Keeper, the One who made the covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He included in the Great Covenant Eve whose Seed should bruise the Serpent’s head. (Genesis 3:15). Although that covenant was spoken to the Serpent, Jehovah has “come down” this time to interrupt the king’s question to say, “I am here to deliver all the seed of the ‘mother of all living,’ out from the bondage and slavery of Satan into ‘the glorious liberty of the children of God.’”Sunday, November 11, 2007
"Searching for God Knows What" on Adam and Eve
Here are some clips of an insightful and thought provoking look at Adam and Eve from Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller:
quote:
But here is Adam, the only perfect guy in the world, and he is going around wanting to be with somebody else, needing another person to fulfill a certain emptiness in his life. And as I said, when God saw this, He did not create Eve right away. He did not give Adam what he needed immediately. He waited. He told Adam to name the animals....
I looked up how many animals there are in the world... and Adam, apparently, had to name all of them. And the entire time he was lonely.
I never thought of Adam the same again... this was a man who, despite feeling a certain need for a companion, performed what must have been nearly one hundred years of work, naming and perhaps even categorizing the animals... Moses said that Eve didn’t give birth to their third child till Adam was well into his hundreds, which means they would have had Cain and Abel some thirty or so years before, which also means either it took Adam more than a hundred years to name the animals, or he and Eve didn’t have sex for a good, long, boring century. And so in my mind, I began to see Adam as a lonely naturalist...
The thing is, when Adam finished naming the animals, after all his work and effort, God put him to sleep, took a rib out of his side, and fashioned a woman. I had read that part a thousand times, too, but I don’t think I quite realized how beautiful that moment was... So here was this guy who was intensely relational, needing other people, and in order to cause him to appreciate the gift of companionship, God had him hang out with chimps for a couple hundred years. Its quite beautiful, really. God directed Adam’s steps so that when He created Eve, Adam would have the utmost appreciation, respect, and gratitude.
I think it was smart of God because today, now that there are women all around and a guy can go on the Internet and see them naked anytime he wants, the whole species has been devalued. I read recently where one out of every four women, by the time they reach thirty , are sexually harassed, molested, or raped. And then I thought how very beautiful it was that God made Adam work for so long because there is no way, after a hundred years of being alone, looking for somebody whom you could connect with in your soul, that you would take advantage of a woman once you met one. She would be the most precious creation in all the world...
I’ll bet Adam felt loved by God, like he was somebody God was always trying to bless and surprise with amazing experiences, and I’ll bet they talked together about how beautiful Eve was and how wonderful it was that the two of them could know her, and I would imagine that Eve felt safe, loved, not used or gawked at, but appreciated and admired....
I started asking myself why Moses would say five times that people were naked before the Fall, but after the Fall they went around with clothes on... The very first thing that happened after Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was that they noticed they were naked. And man, I couldn’t stop thinking about how whatever happened at the Fall made them aware they were naked...
Here is what I think Moses was saying: Man is wired so he gets his glory (his security, his understanding of value, his feeling of purpose, his feeling of rightness with his Maker, his security for eternity) from God, and this relationship is so strong, and God’s love is so pure, that Adam and Eve felt no insecurity at all, so much so that they walked around naked and didn’t even realize they were naked. But when that relationship was broken, they knew it instantly. All of their glory, the glory that came from God, was gone...
I used to think that when the Fall happened, man started lusting, getting angry, getting jealous, coveting, stealing, lying, and cheating because, in the absence of God, he became a bad person...
And then it hit me how awful it must have been for Adam and Eve... to have been tricked by Satan into breaking their relationship with God.
You and I have it easier. We were born this way. But I remember loving a girl back in Colorado and having her explain to me she didn’t feel the same and how for a year I lived in the attic of an old house in Portland, feeling an ache and emptiness in my heart I thought would never mend...
And this feeling, this feeling must have been so much more painful for Adam and Eve, this feeling of having an infinite amount of love pouring through their lives and then its’s suddenly gone... I wondered at how terrible it must have felt, at the fear of no longer feeling God, at the ache of emptiness and the sudden and horrifying awareness of self. God have mercy.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Beth Moore quotes
Quoted from Beth Moore Breaking Free
quote:
For the believer, the first step of freedom from any stronghold is agreeing with God concerning the personal sin involved. Please understand, the object of our imaginations itself is not always sin. The sin may lie solely in the exaltation of it in our own minds. For example, nothing could be more natural or reflective of the heart of God than a mother’s love for her child. However, if she has passed the bounds of healthy affection to overprotection, obsession, adoration, and idolatry, she has constructed a stronghold. Pg 191
God loves perfectly. His love is both vocal and demonstrative. He balances blessing and discipline. God's love is unfailing, so any time we perceive He does not love us, our perceptions are wrong. Anything we perceive about God that does not match up with 1) the truth of Scripture and 2) the portrayal of His character in Scripture- is a lie.
When we realize we've been believing a lie, our bonds lose their grip. At those times we might pray something like: "I may not feel loved or lovable, but Your Word says You love me so much You gave up Your beloved Son for me. I don't know why I continue to feel unloved, but at this moment I choose to believe the truth of Your Word. I rebuke the enemy's attempt to make me doubt Your love. Satan knows the truth will set me free and I have believed his lies over Your Word. I also pray for forgiveness for the sin of unbelief. Help me overcome my unbelief."
quote:
I ...remember the harrowing moment God opened my eyes to see what a lie I had believed. I cried for days.
I originally thought this lie was a good thing. My heart, handicapped in childhood, had deluded me. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I eventually bowed down and worshiped it. My only consolation in my idolatry is that I finally allowed Him to peel away my fingers and to my knowledge, have only grasped His hand since.
Had I not discovered what a lie was in my right hand, I would never have run to Him to fill up the void it left. I have discovered the glorious satisfaction of only the Lord Jesus Christ can bring. I can truly say to you at this moment that I love Him more than anything or anyone in this world. Jesus is the uncontested love of my life.
Yes, I plunged to the depths to discover this level of satisfaction. Sadly, I often learn things the hard way. I pray to settle for nothing less the rest of my days. I am very aware that Satan will constantly cast idols before me. I hope never to forget that the same one I bowed down and worshiped before I could fall to again.
Beloved, whatever we are gripping to bring us the satisfaction is a lie- unless it is Christ. He is the Truth that sets us free. Pg 63
from "Inside Out" by Larry Crabb
from Inside Out by Larry Crabb
quote:
“The illusion that life in a fallen world is really not too bad must be shattered. When even the best parts of life are exposed as pathetic counterfeits of how things should be, the reality drives us to a level of distress that threatens to utterly undo us. But it’s when we’re on the brink of personal collapse that we’re best able to shift the direction of our soul from self-protection to trusting love. The more deeply we enter into the reality that life without God is sheer desolation, the more fully we an turn toward Him...
The richest love grows in the soil of an unbearable disappointment with life. When we realize life can’t give us what we want, we can better give up our foolish demand that it do so and get on with the noble task of loving as we should. We will no longer need to demand protection from further disappointment. The deepest change will occur in the life of a bold realist who clings to God with a passion only his realistic appraisal of life can generate.” pg 213-14
“Until we recognize with tears how determined we are to move away from pain and how that determination reflects our blasphemous decision to preserve our own life, we will not be able to identify the subtle ways in which our relational style violates love for others by keeping us safe... We repent by radically shifting our motivation and direction from self-preservation to trust on the basis of the belief that Christ has given and is preserving out life. The fruit of repentance is a changed style of relating that replaces self-protective maneuvering with loving involvement.” 196
“The more clearly we recognize how deep our commitment to self-protection operates in our relational style and the more courageously we face the ugliness of protecting ourselves rather than loving others, the more we’ll shift our direction.” 200
“In order to meaningfully repent of the ways in which we violate love, we must recognize them. We won’t recognize self-protective patterns of relating as sinful violations of love until we face the disappointment in our soul we’re determined never to experience again.” 204
Are You a Doormat?
from Unbreakable Bonds by Meier:
The characteristics below reveal what you are choosing to give away in your choice to stay a doormat:
Doing things for others that they ought to be doing for themselves. I give away my praise. I live for the praise of others.
Others make my choices. I give away my priorities. Others direct my life.
Others determine my self worth and define my identity. I give away my personhood. Others determine my value.
Rejection is what I fear most. I give away my purpose. I reduce my purpose to fear.
Mad at myself for not measuring up. I give away my pardon. I am perpetually self-critical.
Afraid of conflict. I give away my power. I teach myself that I do not deserve to be powerful.
True love is missing from my heart. I give away my plenty. I relinquish the abundance I could experience from loving myself unconditionally.
The characteristics below reveal what you are choosing to give away in your choice to stay a doormat:
Doing things for others that they ought to be doing for themselves. I give away my praise. I live for the praise of others.
Others make my choices. I give away my priorities. Others direct my life.
Others determine my self worth and define my identity. I give away my personhood. Others determine my value.
Rejection is what I fear most. I give away my purpose. I reduce my purpose to fear.
Mad at myself for not measuring up. I give away my pardon. I am perpetually self-critical.
Afraid of conflict. I give away my power. I teach myself that I do not deserve to be powerful.
True love is missing from my heart. I give away my plenty. I relinquish the abundance I could experience from loving myself unconditionally.
"From Bondage to Bonding"
Quotes from Nancy Groom From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love
Quotes from Nancy Groom From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love
quote:
“Gentleness is possible even when rebuking those who harm us, because we know our purpose is not to destroy but to redeem. And patience becomes our habit because we know God isn’t finished with any of us yet, and because His presence enables us to endure out fiery trials with perseverance, if not always tranquility... Because Christ dwells within us, we can choose to act like Him... The first ingredient of forgiveness is loving confrontation... But it’s more loving-and more respectful-to hold others accountable. When codependents set appropriate boundaries for themselves by refusing to accept mistreatment, they are doing what is good not just for themselves but for their abusers as well... But setting limits and reestablishing boundaries meet the criteria for biblical love only if the focus is on mutual welfare, not revenge or personal safety. Forgiveness and restoration are impossible if sin is not addressed.” 158-9
pg 20 “a codependent person is addicted... to a destructive pattern of relating to other people, a pattern usually learned from childhood in an abusive or non-nurturing home” pg 34 “people damaged by childhood experiences who cope with their world by trying to please and who end up being controlled instead” pg 36 “People pleasers lack the strength of character necessary to confront what may be a wrong attitude or action...” pg 120 “Self-forfeiture... is counterproductive to the mutuality of relationship... A marionette has nothing to offer but compliance, and compliance isn’t intimacy. When we act like pawns in someone else’s chess game, we destroy God’s image in us disenfranchising ourselves from making out own choices. Our chosen self-forfeiture is a self protective strategy we must both repent and hold ourselves accountable to change”
from “Bondage to Bonding” pg 198 “The change process is almost never even; usually one person is ready to drop the wrong dependency long before the other. In such cases, offering one’s whole heart may need to be postponed until the other is ready to receive it. Jesus told his disciples shortly before His death, “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear”... Someone we love deeply may be unable to bear the depth of our pain or to share the burden of our self discoveries. We may need to suffer the loneliness of a waiting love, walking the tightrope of inviting the other in without revictimizing ourselves. [italics mine] Finally, we may need to relinquish the dream of deep intimacy with that person and turn to God with our overflowing hearts.”
“...abused women... convert their rage and self contempt into a passionate commitment to never be hurt again.” Pg. 54
“Codependents typically refuse to let themselves need the freely chosen tender involvement of others. Neediness terrifies them because it wasn’t safe to be needy in childhood... Neediness for some is also shameful. A woman, shamed as a child for being fearful or upset, represses instinctively her anxiety or sadness as an adult.” 55
“Often the anger experienced in their contemporary relationships is really a displaced anger from an earlier event or situation... Soul wounds do not heal if they are ignored. They continue to govern our emotions, our self-images, and our ways of interacting in relationships.” 90
“Depending utterly on God for our ultimate well-being is the doorway to intimacy, to a renewed freedom to love, to hurt, to laugh, to make mistakes, to ask forgiveness, to feel our feelings, to start each day new.” 147
“I must enter the abject humiliation of needing, of asking for what my soul longs for, instead of protecting myself from the pain of its loss... Most of all, surrendering to God requires that I fully own my personal responsibility ro love others well.” 148
Quotes from Nancy Groom From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love
quote:
“Codependents with blurred boundaries often allow someone to hurt or abuse them because they somehow think that person has a right to invade their privacy, plans, or personal well-being with impunity.... In fact some of the messages she heard in church about submission reinforced her belief that she didn’t have any rights to claim for herself in relationship to [her husband]” Bondage to Bonding pg 28
“Their behaviors might mimic the way Jesus lived, but in their inner spirits they are far from being the free, loving, glad servants Jesus modeled to His disciples. In fact, they see themselves as not only powerless but essentially worthless.” pg. 30
“The expectation of emotional deprivation goes hand in hand with low self-esteem... a part of her felt she didn’t really deserve a happy home or kind treatment from her husband and children. After all, she hadn’t always been the perfectly loving wife and mother she had wanted and always tried to be.” 39
“Self-contempt can wear many faces, sometimes passing for humility or selflessness. Her husband Jake batters her emotionally with critical, demeaning words. Because Angie blames and despises herself for the childhood incest, she never defends herself. She thinks she deserves Jake’s accusations and keeps trying harder to be the loving, chaste wife she inwardly despairs of ever being.” 39
“Jesus was confidently aware of his own value. Self-contempt was the furthest thing from His mind... and in his awareness He yielded his rights for His chosen. The two go together: self-valuing and genuine love.” Pg. 41
“He [Jesus] never masked his feelings but expressed them openly and without shame. He wept... verbalized His frustration... expressed His anger... agonized... gave up His live with a loud scream...” 71
“God’s ‘solution’ is not to somehow get us to work harder to achieve what He commands us to do- ie love Him and others. Rather, He calls us to admit that we have not done and cannot do what He commands- our fallen nature makes it impossible. In the face of that impossibility to be perfect, we are left with the ultimate choice: despair or grace.” 131
“If we choose to move toward repentance we discover that our scrupulously polished exteriors camouflage deep self centeredness... God invites us to open our whitewashed tombs and expose the decadence of our lives to the cleansing power of His grace... We have shunned God, rejecting His grace in order to maintain our self-sufficiency. We have failed to love others with the kind of passionate other-centeredness God requires. And we have revictimized ourselves refusing to believe we’re loved with an everlasting love that prompts genuine self-love and grateful obedience.” 122
“An important part of my own recovery process is experiencing a redeemed Parent-child relationship with God, seeing myself as His beloved daughter and practicing a childlike relationship with Him in my spiritual walk. Young children have nothing to offer but themselves- their need, their trust, and their love. In His grace God reduces me toe the raw nakedness of needing and receiving- the stuff of children, even infants.” 142
“One of the most profound effects of being deeply connected to God is a renewed sense of our own preciousness. When I know and can believe God cherishes me as a beloved child, I can know and believe my worth as a person... We are children of the Great King and special to our Father. Princes and princesses don’t let themselves be abused; they like themselves and expect to be respected.” 144
Monday, November 5, 2007
"Taking it to Eve" by John Eldredge
Here is part of a chapter from Wild At Heart by John Eldredge.
Quote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taking It To Eve
Remember the story of my first kiss, that little darling I fell in love with in the seventh grade and how she made my bicycle fly? I fell in love with Debbie the very same year my father checked out of my story, the year I took my deepest wound. The timing was no coincidence. In a young boy's development, there comes a crucial time when the father must intervene. It arrives early in adolescence, somewhere between the ages of eleven and fifteen, depending on the boy. If that intervention does not happen, the boy is set up for disaster; the next window that opens in his soul is sexuality. Debbie made me feel like a million bucks. I couldn't have put words to it at the time; I had no idea what was really going on. But in my heart I felt I had found the answer to my question. A pretty girl thinks I am the greatest. What more can a guy ask for? If I've found Juliet, then I must be Romeo.
When she broke up with me, it began what has been a long and sad story of searching for "the woman that will make me feel like a man." I went from girlfriend to girlfriend trying to get an answer. To be the hero to the beauty - that has been my longing, my image of what it means to really, finally be a man. Bly calls it the search fot the Golden-haired Woman.
He sees a woman across the room, knows immediately that it is "She." He drops the relationship he has, pursues her, feels wild excitement, passion, beating heart, obsession. After a few months, everything collapses; she becomes an ordinary woman. He is confused and puzzled. Then he sees once more a radiant face across the room, and the old certainty comes again. (Iron John)
Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? Certainly there's the fact that a man is visually wired, that pictures and images arouse men much more that they do women. But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn't even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced. You must understand - this is deeper than legs and breasts and good sex. It is mythological. Look at the lengths men will go to find the golden-haired woman. They have fought duals over her beauty; they have fought wars. You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we'd also recover with our own lost masculinity.
You'll recall the little boy Phillip, from the movie A Perfect World? Remember what his fear was? That his penis was puny. That's how many men articulate a sense of emasculation. Later in life a man's worst fear is impotence. If he can't get an erection, then he hasn't got what it takes. But the opposite is also at work. If a man can feel an erection, well then, he feels powerful. He feels strong. I'm telling you, for many men The Question feels hardwired to his penis. If he can feel like the hero sexually, well, then mister, he's the hero. Pornography is so seductive because what is a wounded, famished man to think when there a literally hundreds of beauties willing to give themselves to him? Of course, it's not just to him, but when's he's alone with the photos, it feels like it's just him.)
It's unbelievable - how many movies center around this lie? Get the beauty, win her, bed her, and you are the man. You're James Bond. You're a stud. Look carefully at the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen's song, Secret Garden (from his Greatest Hits recording, 1995):
She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides.
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you wantWhere everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away.
It's a deep lie wedded to a deep truth. Eve is a garden of delight. (Song 4:16) But she's not everything you want, everything you need - not even close. Ofcourse it will stay a million miles away. You can't get there from here because it's not there. It's not there. The answer to your question can never, ever be found there. Don't get me wrong. A woman is a captivating thing. More captivating that anything else in all creation. "The naked woman's body is a portion of eternity too great for the eye of man." Femininity can arouse masculinity. Boy oh boy can it. My wife flashes me a little breast, a little thigh, and I'm ready for action. All systems alert. She tells me in a soft voice that I'm a man and I'll leap tall buildings for her. But femininity can never bestow masculinity. It's like asking a pearl to give you a buffalo. It's like asking for a field of wildflowers to give you a '57 chevy. They are different substances entirely.
Dave, whose father blew a hole in his chest when he called him "mamma's boy", took his question to the woman. Recently he confessed to me that younger women are his obsession. You can see why - they're less of a threat. A younger woman isn't half the challenge. He can feel more like a man there. Dave's embarrassed by his obsession, but it deosn't stop him. A younger woman feels like the answer to his question and he's got to get an answer. But he knows his search is impossible. He admitted to me just the other day, "Even if I marry a beautiful woman, I will always know there is an even more beautiful woman out there somewhere. So I'll wonder - could I have won her?"
It's a lie. As Bly says. it's a search without an end. "We are looking at the source of a lot of desperation in certain men here, and a lot of suffering in certain women." How often I have seen this. A friend's brother hit rock bottom a few years back when his girlfriend broke up with him. He was a really successful guy, a high star athelete who became a promising young attorney. But he was carrying a wound from an alcoholic, workaholic father who never gave him what every boy craves. Like so many of us, he took his heart with it's question to the woman. When she dumped him, my friend said, "it blew him out of the water. He went into a major nosedive, started drinking heavily, smoking. He even left the country. His life was shattered."
This is why so many men secretly fear their wives. She sees him as noone else does, sleeps with him, know's what he is made of. If he has given her the power to validate him as a man, then he has also given her the power to invalidate him too. That's the deadly catch. A pastor told me that for years he's been trying to please his wife and she keeps giving him an "F". "What is she is not the report card on you?" I suggested. "She sure feels like it...and I am failing."
Another man, Richard, became verbally abusive toward his wife in the early years of their marriage. His vision for his life was that he was meant to be Romeo and therefore, she must be Juliet. When she turned out not to be the Golden-haired Woman, he was furious. Because that meant, you see, that he was not the heroic man. I remember seeing a picture of Julia Roberts without costume and makeup; Oh, I realised, she's just an ordinary woman.
"He was coming to me for his validation," a young woman told me about the man she was dating. Or, had been dating. She was drawn to him at first, and certainly drawn to the way he was taken with her. "That's why I broke up with him." I was amazed at her perceptiveness and her courage. It's very rare to find, especially in younger women. How wonderful it feels at first to be his obsession. To be thought of as a goddess is pretty heady stuff. But eventually, it all turns from romance to immense pressure on her part. "He kept saying, 'I don't know if I have what it takes and you're telling me I don't.' He'll thanks me for it one day."
What's fascinating to note is that homosexuals are actually more clear on this point. They know what is missing in their hearts is masculine love. The problem is that they've sexualised it. Joseph Nicolosi says that homosexuality is an attempt to repair the wound by filling it with masculinity, either the masculine love that was missin or the masculine strength many men feel they do not possess. It, too, is a vain search and that is why so many of them suffer depression and a host of other addictions. What they need can't be found there.
Why have I said all this about our search for validation and the answer to our question? Because we cannot hear the real answer until we see we've got a false one. So long as we chase the illusion, how can we face reality? The hunger is there; it lives in our souls like a famished craving, no matter what we've tried to fill it with. If you take your question to Eve, it will break your heart. I know this now, after many, many hard years. You can't get your answer there. In fact, you can't get your answer from any of the things men chase after to find their sense of self. There is only one source for the answer to your question. And so no matter where you've taken your question, you've got to take it back. You have to walk away. This is the beginning of your journey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taking It To Eve
Remember the story of my first kiss, that little darling I fell in love with in the seventh grade and how she made my bicycle fly? I fell in love with Debbie the very same year my father checked out of my story, the year I took my deepest wound. The timing was no coincidence. In a young boy's development, there comes a crucial time when the father must intervene. It arrives early in adolescence, somewhere between the ages of eleven and fifteen, depending on the boy. If that intervention does not happen, the boy is set up for disaster; the next window that opens in his soul is sexuality. Debbie made me feel like a million bucks. I couldn't have put words to it at the time; I had no idea what was really going on. But in my heart I felt I had found the answer to my question. A pretty girl thinks I am the greatest. What more can a guy ask for? If I've found Juliet, then I must be Romeo.
When she broke up with me, it began what has been a long and sad story of searching for "the woman that will make me feel like a man." I went from girlfriend to girlfriend trying to get an answer. To be the hero to the beauty - that has been my longing, my image of what it means to really, finally be a man. Bly calls it the search fot the Golden-haired Woman.
He sees a woman across the room, knows immediately that it is "She." He drops the relationship he has, pursues her, feels wild excitement, passion, beating heart, obsession. After a few months, everything collapses; she becomes an ordinary woman. He is confused and puzzled. Then he sees once more a radiant face across the room, and the old certainty comes again. (Iron John)
Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? Certainly there's the fact that a man is visually wired, that pictures and images arouse men much more that they do women. But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn't even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced. You must understand - this is deeper than legs and breasts and good sex. It is mythological. Look at the lengths men will go to find the golden-haired woman. They have fought duals over her beauty; they have fought wars. You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we'd also recover with our own lost masculinity.
You'll recall the little boy Phillip, from the movie A Perfect World? Remember what his fear was? That his penis was puny. That's how many men articulate a sense of emasculation. Later in life a man's worst fear is impotence. If he can't get an erection, then he hasn't got what it takes. But the opposite is also at work. If a man can feel an erection, well then, he feels powerful. He feels strong. I'm telling you, for many men The Question feels hardwired to his penis. If he can feel like the hero sexually, well, then mister, he's the hero. Pornography is so seductive because what is a wounded, famished man to think when there a literally hundreds of beauties willing to give themselves to him? Of course, it's not just to him, but when's he's alone with the photos, it feels like it's just him.)
It's unbelievable - how many movies center around this lie? Get the beauty, win her, bed her, and you are the man. You're James Bond. You're a stud. Look carefully at the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen's song, Secret Garden (from his Greatest Hits recording, 1995):
She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides.
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you wantWhere everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away.
It's a deep lie wedded to a deep truth. Eve is a garden of delight. (Song 4:16) But she's not everything you want, everything you need - not even close. Ofcourse it will stay a million miles away. You can't get there from here because it's not there. It's not there. The answer to your question can never, ever be found there. Don't get me wrong. A woman is a captivating thing. More captivating that anything else in all creation. "The naked woman's body is a portion of eternity too great for the eye of man." Femininity can arouse masculinity. Boy oh boy can it. My wife flashes me a little breast, a little thigh, and I'm ready for action. All systems alert. She tells me in a soft voice that I'm a man and I'll leap tall buildings for her. But femininity can never bestow masculinity. It's like asking a pearl to give you a buffalo. It's like asking for a field of wildflowers to give you a '57 chevy. They are different substances entirely.
Dave, whose father blew a hole in his chest when he called him "mamma's boy", took his question to the woman. Recently he confessed to me that younger women are his obsession. You can see why - they're less of a threat. A younger woman isn't half the challenge. He can feel more like a man there. Dave's embarrassed by his obsession, but it deosn't stop him. A younger woman feels like the answer to his question and he's got to get an answer. But he knows his search is impossible. He admitted to me just the other day, "Even if I marry a beautiful woman, I will always know there is an even more beautiful woman out there somewhere. So I'll wonder - could I have won her?"
It's a lie. As Bly says. it's a search without an end. "We are looking at the source of a lot of desperation in certain men here, and a lot of suffering in certain women." How often I have seen this. A friend's brother hit rock bottom a few years back when his girlfriend broke up with him. He was a really successful guy, a high star athelete who became a promising young attorney. But he was carrying a wound from an alcoholic, workaholic father who never gave him what every boy craves. Like so many of us, he took his heart with it's question to the woman. When she dumped him, my friend said, "it blew him out of the water. He went into a major nosedive, started drinking heavily, smoking. He even left the country. His life was shattered."
This is why so many men secretly fear their wives. She sees him as noone else does, sleeps with him, know's what he is made of. If he has given her the power to validate him as a man, then he has also given her the power to invalidate him too. That's the deadly catch. A pastor told me that for years he's been trying to please his wife and she keeps giving him an "F". "What is she is not the report card on you?" I suggested. "She sure feels like it...and I am failing."
Another man, Richard, became verbally abusive toward his wife in the early years of their marriage. His vision for his life was that he was meant to be Romeo and therefore, she must be Juliet. When she turned out not to be the Golden-haired Woman, he was furious. Because that meant, you see, that he was not the heroic man. I remember seeing a picture of Julia Roberts without costume and makeup; Oh, I realised, she's just an ordinary woman.
"He was coming to me for his validation," a young woman told me about the man she was dating. Or, had been dating. She was drawn to him at first, and certainly drawn to the way he was taken with her. "That's why I broke up with him." I was amazed at her perceptiveness and her courage. It's very rare to find, especially in younger women. How wonderful it feels at first to be his obsession. To be thought of as a goddess is pretty heady stuff. But eventually, it all turns from romance to immense pressure on her part. "He kept saying, 'I don't know if I have what it takes and you're telling me I don't.' He'll thanks me for it one day."
What's fascinating to note is that homosexuals are actually more clear on this point. They know what is missing in their hearts is masculine love. The problem is that they've sexualised it. Joseph Nicolosi says that homosexuality is an attempt to repair the wound by filling it with masculinity, either the masculine love that was missin or the masculine strength many men feel they do not possess. It, too, is a vain search and that is why so many of them suffer depression and a host of other addictions. What they need can't be found there.
Why have I said all this about our search for validation and the answer to our question? Because we cannot hear the real answer until we see we've got a false one. So long as we chase the illusion, how can we face reality? The hunger is there; it lives in our souls like a famished craving, no matter what we've tried to fill it with. If you take your question to Eve, it will break your heart. I know this now, after many, many hard years. You can't get your answer there. In fact, you can't get your answer from any of the things men chase after to find their sense of self. There is only one source for the answer to your question. And so no matter where you've taken your question, you've got to take it back. You have to walk away. This is the beginning of your journey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Romance
from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
As women we long to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our femininity. We long for romance. We are wired for it; it's what makes our hearts come alive. You know that. Somewhere, down deep inside, you know this. But what you might never have known is this
This doesn't need to wait for a man.
God longs to bring this into your life himself. He wants you to move beyond childlike "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her" (Hos 2:14). And "You have stolen my heart, my sister my bride (Song 4:9). Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experince for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, after all, what a woman was made for....
For the root of all holiness is Romance.
Romance and Intimacy, Waiting for Reciprocity
from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
From Unbreakable Bonds by Meier (pg 74)
quote:
As women we long to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our femininity. We long for romance. We are wired for it; it's what makes our hearts come alive. You know that. Somewhere, down deep inside, you know this. But what you might never have known is this
This doesn't need to wait for a man.
God longs to bring this into your life himself. He wants you to move beyond childlike "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her" (Hos 2:14). And "You have stolen my heart, my sister my bride (Song 4:9). Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, after all, what a woman was made for....
For the root of all holiness is Romance.
From Unbreakable Bonds by Meier (pg 74)
quote:
Waiting for reciprocity means spending countless hours, days, months, and years waiting for a distant and disconnected other to change and meet our unmet needs from childhood. We could be using all this time to learn how to and begin to meet our own needs and provide for ourselves- connecting with ourselves and friends who do love and accept us for the way we are. But instead, we waste our lives blaming and waiting for someone who is incapable of, or unwilling to, relate intimately. It is important that we teach ourselves to let them go. God said in Psalm 68 that he loves those of us who are lonely and desires to place us in new, healthier “families”
If you are already married to someone who is disconnected, you can let go of waiting for him or her to come and fill your needs. You do not have to divorce your partner to develop an intimate knowledge of yourself. Nor do you need your spouse’s permission to form an intimate relationship with God and friends. Of course, when a marriage is strained, it often results in a lack of physical intimacy. Though we were created to enjoy this kind of intimacy in our marriages, we will not die without it. ..
We can wait in bitterness and loneliness or let go of waiting and learn how to direct our own path to true meaning, purpose, and happiness...
"Captivating" Quotes
This book was influential in my personal healing and recovery.
I facilitated a group of ladies from my church through a book study, and many were deeply touched.
I recommend having the companion journal together with the book (see the link)
Quotes from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
I facilitated a group of ladies from my church through a book study, and many were deeply touched.
I recommend having the companion journal together with the book (see the link)
Quotes from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
quote:
Intro:
Rest assured- this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman. We’re tired of those books. As a new Christian, the first book I (Stasi) picked up to read on godly femininity I threw across the room. I never picked it up again. In the twenty-five years since, I have only read a few I could wholeheartedly recommend. The rest drive me crazy. Their messages to women make me feel as through, “You are not the woman you ought to be- but if you do the following things, you can make the grade.” They are by and large, soul-killing. But femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula....
God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating
So we invite you to take a journey with us, a journey of discovery and healing. For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and Jesus has come to win you back for himself-all of you. We pray that God will use this book in your life, in your heart, to bring healing, restoration, joy, and life!”
quote:
Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities- as a reflection of God’s own heart...
...the story of Eve... We clearly haven’t learned its lessons- for if we had, men would treat women much much differently, and women would view themselves in a far better light...
Adam steps forth, the image of God. Nothing in creation even comes close. Picture Michelangelo’s David. He is... magnificent. Truly the masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something in missing... and that something is Eve...
She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God. Woman. In one least flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch... His piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill... (Ladies) Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, “The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me.”
And she, too, bears the image of God but in a way that only the feminine can speak. What can we learn from her? God wanted to reveal something about Himself, so he gave us Eve... Eve is created because things were not right without her. Something was not good. ...Something is missing? What could it possibly be? Eve. Woman. Femininity. Wow. Talk about significance.
quote:
Back in Genesis when God sets his image bearers on the earth, he gives them their mission:
Gen 1:26-28.
Call it the Human Mission- to be all and do all God sent us here to do. And notice- the mission to be fruitful and conquer and hold sway is given both to Adam and to Eve. “And God said to them...” Eve is standing right there when God gives the world over to us. She has a vital role to play; she is partner in this great adventure. All that human beings were intended to do here on earth- all the creativity and exploration, all the battle and rescue and nurture- we were intended to do together. In fact, not only is Eve needed, but she is desperately needed.
When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. “It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]” (Gen 2:18 Alter). Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is “notoriously difficult to translate”. The various attempts we have in English are “helper” or “companion” or the notorious “help meet”. Why are these translations so incredibly wimpy, boring, flat... disappointing? What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing “One day I shall be a help meet?” Companion? A dog can be a companion. Helper? Sounds like Hamburger Helper. Alter is getting close when he translates it “sustainer beside him.”
The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.
Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he were not there beside you... you are dead. A better translation of ezer would be “lifesaver”. Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. Pg 31-32
quote:
pg 103-4
Melissa was the young girl who “vowed I would be tough; hard like a rock,” and became so for many years. But that is not the end of her story. She came to the place where Jesus asked to heal her wounded heart. She gave him permission to come in. This is what happened.
God went back and got the shaking little girl that was hiding under the bed and convinced her to come out. He unclenched her little fists and took her hand and placed it in his and answered her question. He held her and told her it was OK for her not to be tough. He would protect her. She didn’t have to be strong. He told her she wasn’t a rock but a child. His child. He didn’t condemn her for anything but instead understood her and loved her! He told her she was special... like no other and that she had special gifts like no other. She knew His voice and trusted him. She could hear the pleasure He had for her in His voice and felt His delight in her as He talked. He was so gentle and loving she couldn’t help but melt in His arms.
This is available. This is the offer of our Savior- to heal our broken hearts. To come to the young places within us and find us there, take us in his arms, bring us home. The time has come to let Jesus heal you.
Jesus come to me and heal my heart. Come to the shattered place within me. Come for the little girl that was wounded, Come and hold me in your arms and heal me. Do for me what you promised to do- heal my broken heart and set me free.
quote:
clips from pages 82-85
The story of the treatment of women down through the ages is not a noble history. It has noble moments, to be sure, but taken as a whole, women have endured what seems to be a special hatred ever since we left Eden. ...
You might know that through the thousands of years of Jewish history recorded in the Old Testament, Jewish women were considered property with no legal rights (as they were and are in many cultures). They were not allowed to study the Law, nor to formally educate their children. They had a segregated place in the synagogue. It was common practice for a Jewish man to add to his morning prayers, “Thank you, God, for not making me a Gentile, a woman, or a slave.”
...
The assault on femininity- its long history, its utter viciousness- cannot be understood apart from the spiritual forces of evil we are warned against in the Scriptures. That is not to say that men (and women, for they, too, assault women) have no accountability in their treatment of women. Not at all. It is simply to say that no explanation for the assault upon Eve and her daughters is sufficient unless it opens our eyes to the Prince of Darkness and his special hatred of femininity.
...
Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty... he hates Eve.
Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be.
Eve is his greatest human threat, for she brings life. She is a lifesaver and a life giver. Eve means “life” or “life producer”...
Put those two things together- that Eve incarnates the Beauty of God and she gives life to the world. Satan’s bitter heart cannot bear it. He assaults her with a special hatred. History removes any doubt about this....
The message of our wounds nearly always is, “This is because of you. This is what you deserve.” It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.
You are hated because of your beauty and power.
quote:
Pg 91
You really won’t understand your life as a woman until you understand this:
You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by his Enemy.
And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration. For there is One greater than your Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul.
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