insofar as they reflect the mind of the Lord...

from Who's Your Covering by Frank Viola

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The Greek word most often translated “submit” in the NT is the word hupotasso. Hupotasso is better translated “subjection” In NT usage, subjection is a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating with, and yielding to the admonition and advice of another.
Biblical subjection has nothing to do with control or hierarchical power. It is simply an attitude of childlike openness in yielding to others insofar as they reflect the mind of the Lord….

Our Lord Jesus, as well as Paul, exhibited the spirit of subjection when they stood in the presence of official authority (Matt 26:63-64; Acts 23:2-5). In like manner, we are always to be subject to such authority. Lawlessness and the despising of authority are marks or the sinful nature (2 Pet 2:10; Jude 8) At the same time, subjection and obedience are two different things. It is a fatal error to confuse them.

How does subjection differ from obedience? Subjection is an attitude. Obedience is an action. Subjection is absolute. Obedience is conditional. Subjection is an internal matter. Obedience is an external matter.

…. one can disobey while submitting. You can disobey an earthly authority while maintaining a spirit of humble subjection. You can disobey while having an attitude of respect and reverence as opposed to a spirit of rebellion, reviling, and subversion (1Tim 2:1-2; 2Pet 2:10; Jude 8)
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When the indwelling Christ leads a believer or a church to speak or act, they are backed by the authority of the Head. His is the only authority that exists in the universe. Jesus Christ, as represented by the indwelling Holy Spirit, is the exclusive wellspring, mainstay, and source of all authority….
The upshot is that leadership problems in the modern church stem from an obscenely simplistic application of official authority structures to spiritual relationships. This faulty application is rooted in a one-size-fists-all mentality of authority. But it is a profound mistake to transplant official authority into the Christian assembly- or into any other sphere of organic relationship (such as marriage).

Whenever a believer is expressing organic authority in the church, we do well to recognize it. To rebel against such authority is to rebel against Christ. For there is no authority without Jesus Christ as its Author. Consequently, to reject someone’s words when they are expressing God’s thought is to reject His authority….

…mutual subjection emphasizes power for and power among rather than power over. It encourages the empowerment of all rather than the power of a few.

[italics in original; bolding added by me]

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More from from Sacred Influence

More from from Sacred Influence

Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:

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When a man is condescending and dictatorial toward his wife, when he treats her like hired help, when he requires her to dole out sexual favors on demand- the last place he should look to justify his lifestyle is in the Bible. His actions and attitudes offend God's revealed will and written Word. This is not marriage as God designed it, and it is not what Genesis, Proverbs, and Paul teach regarding the roles of husband and wife. (pg. 86)

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In addition to addressing how to deal with an angry husband, he has chapters for women married to unbelievers, workaholics, a man having an affair, etc. I didn't read those. I read Chapter 14 "Pure Passion" which addresses- in part- the problem of porn:

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Let me put it this way: 51 percent of pastors cite cyberporn as a possible temptation, and 37 percent confess it as a current struggle. In facty, four out of every ten pastors have visited a porn site. Sixty-six percent of the the men attending a church seminar admitted to struggling with porn in the past year; two thirds of these men serve in church leadership...

'The philosophical message of porn is that women are sex objects intended for the male's pleasure...

Only the rare husband, maybe one out of a thousand will listen to you rather than resent you when you stand up to his sexual demands. He will need to hear it from someone else... (pg 197)

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