quote:
A common Christian notion emphasizes the need for a woman to always have a quiet spirit before she approaches her husband. She can come to him only if she conveys a positive, uplifting manner. A man who buys this philosophy usually rationalizes, “If my wife would just approach me in a nicer way, I would have a Christlike response. If she would stop being so offensive toward me, everything would be fine.”
Imagine if you would, a desperate woman approaching her husband with a soft, uplifting appeal. Keep in mind that his wife is to portray a pleasant look and a soft-spoken gentleness in her approach. She says, “Sweetheart, there’s something I regretfully submit to you because I’m sure it conveys a terrible spirit of ungratefulness in me for all you’ve done, but being crushed, my spirit is dying within me (Continued gentle smile, speaking softly.) I don’t know how a person could be so emotionally violated in a relationship. (Still examining herself for respectfulness in her attitude.) Although I know it is my problem, the hate I have for you is overwhelming. And because our relationship is deteriorating daily, the love I had for you when we were married has died. (Still maintaining a relaxed body posture and casual tone of voice.)”
If your wife said that to you, how believable would that be? Those words, spoken in that manner, would be totally incredible....
I’m not saying that hostility or bitterness is acceptable...
As a man, tell me you’ve never been mad at God. Tell me that when you are angry and reactionary, you don’t speak in negative terms to Him or anyone else. And when you were angry with God, did He reject you, or did He , in full understanding of your distraught condition, minister unconditional love and patience to you? Pg 75
Let me remind you that a wife is not oblivious to the fact that her hostile, angry, irrational responses are not godly. She feels guilty becasue she believes she is not responding to the grace of God, which she understands is sufficient for her.... You see, her knowing that her responses are wrong is also part of what is eating at her. It is heaping inner guilt on her and making her spirit even heavier.
Yet what is your purpose: to focus on her shame or to care for your wife’s spirit? Do you think you will minister to her if you merely get an admission from her that her responses are wrong?...
Isn’t your goal to build your marriage relationship so that its central focus is Christlikeness- letting your wife know that no matter what, she can trust you to respond with a Christlike attitude toward her?...
I’d like to emphasize the need to get past the tendency to point the finger of blame at what we perceive is “wrong” and move on the more beneficial territory of ministering to the need represented by the “wrong”
Imagine a friend coming into your house bleeding from a stab wound and getting blood on your favorite carpet. Would you scold your friend for getting blood on the carpet? Would you justify the scolding as necessary because “after all a carpet was not really made to be bled upon, was it?”
Wouldn’t it be more cruel if the one who did the stabbing (even accidentally) was also the one doing the scolding?...
My job is to help husbands see how they are stabbing the spirits of their wives. You see, if husbands stopped stabbing the spirits of their wives, they would no longer have to scold them because their emotions are bleeding all over their marriages... 139-40
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
"The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband Is..." by Ken Nair
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:The biblical teaching that the wife is part of God's accountability structure to help us become Christlike is astonishingly threatening to men everywhere, especially to men in spiritual leadership roles...
The role of boss really means that the husband can disregard his wife's needs while abundantly taking care of his own...
I am constantly astonished thea men in spiritual leadership roles never seem to have read Philippians 2:3-4 in the context of their responsibilities in the home...
Contrary to popular notions, most wives do not want to occupy the throne in their marriages. A wife wants her husband to be her spiritual leader, but she is designed by God to feel secure only when she sees that her husband is not the final authority in their marriage, that he is looking to God for direction and guidance. Only then can she be confident that her relationship with her husband will be based on scriptural principles and not on her husband's personal preferences which she recognizes can be prejudiced or selfishly motivated. Rather than argue with her when a husband discovers that his wife truly feels that he is prejudiced or selfish, he should be willing to learn what he can do to change in order to restore her confidence in him.
From God's perspective, becoming Christlike is more important to a man that developing a home government in which the husband is established as king. And more important than being the boss is having the character traits of mercy and justice....
The Christian community seems to have wandered so far away from the idea that Christians must be like Christ that it's as if this is a new calling... pg 43-45
quote:The biblical teaching that the wife is part of God's accountability structure to help us become Christlike is astonishingly threatening to men everywhere, especially to men in spiritual leadership roles...
The role of boss really means that the husband can disregard his wife's needs while abundantly taking care of his own...
I am constantly astonished thea men in spiritual leadership roles never seem to have read Philippians 2:3-4 in the context of their responsibilities in the home...
Contrary to popular notions, most wives do not want to occupy the throne in their marriages. A wife wants her husband to be her spiritual leader, but she is designed by God to feel secure only when she sees that her husband is not the final authority in their marriage, that he is looking to God for direction and guidance. Only then can she be confident that her relationship with her husband will be based on scriptural principles and not on her husband's personal preferences which she recognizes can be prejudiced or selfishly motivated. Rather than argue with her when a husband discovers that his wife truly feels that he is prejudiced or selfish, he should be willing to learn what he can do to change in order to restore her confidence in him.
From God's perspective, becoming Christlike is more important to a man that developing a home government in which the husband is established as king. And more important than being the boss is having the character traits of mercy and justice....
The Christian community seems to have wandered so far away from the idea that Christians must be like Christ that it's as if this is a new calling... pg 43-45
The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #2
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:You see, if you want to discover the mind of a woman, you need to recognize that when she is talking to you about what you are doing or saying, she usually wants you to see the attitudes you are showing... And since God is concerned about attitudes, she is reflecting His concern to you...
When women talk about husband-wife relationships, they usually emphasize attitueds and emotions.... Need I remind you that God says a husband's responsibility is to understand his wife- not vice versa?...
Insisting that she see my side doesn't make me understanding...
Sure, go ahead and insist that your wife understand you. But it would be more Christlike if you said to youself, "I'm going to demand that I settle for nothing less than completely understanding my wife, even if it seems one-sided. I'm going to insist that she help me see my poor attitudes and emotional weaknesses." That selflessness on your part will not remain one-sided. Your wife will be drawn to you with deep deep love for you... pg 202-203
quote:You see, if you want to discover the mind of a woman, you need to recognize that when she is talking to you about what you are doing or saying, she usually wants you to see the attitudes you are showing... And since God is concerned about attitudes, she is reflecting His concern to you...
When women talk about husband-wife relationships, they usually emphasize attitueds and emotions.... Need I remind you that God says a husband's responsibility is to understand his wife- not vice versa?...
Insisting that she see my side doesn't make me understanding...
Sure, go ahead and insist that your wife understand you. But it would be more Christlike if you said to youself, "I'm going to demand that I settle for nothing less than completely understanding my wife, even if it seems one-sided. I'm going to insist that she help me see my poor attitudes and emotional weaknesses." That selflessness on your part will not remain one-sided. Your wife will be drawn to you with deep deep love for you... pg 202-203
The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #4
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:
Ignorance along with the flesh’s self-preserving nature, makes a formidable foe. If we do not accept the responsibility for providing Christlike spiritual leadership, we will also be incapable of receiving the messages God is trying to convey to us through our wives. Not living with our wives in an understanding manner carries two consequences: we do not receive God’s messages for our spiritual growth, and we make it difficult , if not impossible, for God to regard our prayers (1 Pet. 3:7) pg. 76-77
The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #5
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:
RADICAL CHRISTLIKENESS NEEDED
...
I'm sure you have heard many preachers and Sunday school teachers say that we as Christians ought to be Christlike. But I didn't find anyone in my experience as a Christian who was teaching or demonstrating how to rigorously apply Christlikeness to the husband's role in the marriage relationship or to the father's relationship with his children. Instead, the traditional teaching focused on the need for the wife to ve submissive to her husband no matter what. That teaching had been easy for me to quickly absorb and wholeheartedly accept.
What I didn't recognize, and I still find most men don't recognize is the full significance of Ephesians 5:25-27:
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
We basically stop reading and internalizing what God is teaching us after the first part, "Husbands love your wives." As a result, we don't get the full implication of what it means to love our wives as Christ loved the church. If we did, we would begin to discover the minds and spirits of wour wives, and that discovery would transform the marriage relationship...
The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #6
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:
I Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
That provision includes more than money. It also includes spiritual leadership, emotional care, understanding, comfort, compassion, and friendship. It means that a wife must have a very high priority in her husband’s life...
A wife determines her husband’s Christlike character by his willingness to let her participate in his life. More often than not, that means that her husband is willing to be held answerable even to his wife as the Holy Spirit alerts her to his character flaws.
Too many husbands, even in our supposedly enlightened generation, reveal their natural tendency to think of themselves as the boss and ruler of the marriage. This attitude is reinforced by the popular notion in Christian circles that a woman’s only requirements in marriage are to be a silent, obedient, submissive wife. And that submission, regardless of conditions, better be with a gracious pleasantness, or she is not a good Christian woman. Implicit in this attitude is that wives are to be flawless- while husbands excuse their behavior by various rationalizations, none of which will hold up when they appear before the great judge of the universe. God is not deceived by spiritual rationalizations of inexcusable behavior in the home by self-styled Christian leaders.
We read in Proverbs 11:29: "He who troubles his own household inherits the wind." That is exactly what is happening in Christian marriages all over the world where men are unwilling to let God use their wives to bring about accountability for Christlike character...
The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #7
Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair
quote:
Pg 115-116
In the previous chapter we covered symptoms that reveal a problem husband, a husband who is not living with his wife in an understanding way, who is not demonstrating Christlikeness in his attitudes toward her, who is not being encouraging and supportive, as Christ encourages and supports the church through thick and thin. I have discovered that all of these problems reveal a lack of sensitivity, a failure to minister to a wife’s spirit.
“Right”, you may be saying, even a bit sarcastically. “I’ve got to take all the blame for what’s wrong. But if you knew my wife, you wouldn’t say that I had failed. She had all these problems long before I met her.”
Granted. But let me ask you how long you have been married...
“Okay... HAS SHE GOTTEN BETTER OR WORSE SINCE YOU MARRIED HER?” I ask.
What would your answer be? Without fail, the husbands reply, “WORSE”. I that is your answer, then my next question is, “If you are the spiritual leader in your home, and the job of a spiritual leader is to bring the one you are responsible for to spiritual maturity, then why has your wife gotten worse instead of better?”
Thursday, November 1, 2007
"I will make him an help meet for him"
I dislike the historically demeaning interpretation of “help meet”. For example look at this description:
John Gill (1697-1771) Bible Commentary: I will made him an help meet for him; one to help him in all the affairs of life, not only for the propagation of his species , but to provide things useful and comfortable for him ; to dress his food , and take care of the affairs of the family ; one "like himself" {c}, in nature, temper, and disposition, in form and shape; or one "as before him" {d}, that would be pleasing to his sight, and with whom he might delightfully converse, and be in all respects agreeable to him , and entirely answerable to his case and circumstances, his wants and wishes.
She sounds very much like a "household appliance".
Slightly more useful than a plain doormat.
Here is a description which really ministered to me. I found it very edifying and empowering in a way which is constructive to both myself, my husband, and our marriage:
From Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Gen 1:26-28 God gave both male and female dominion: they are the King and the Queen
I do see them given different roles
Gen 2:15¶ And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
Clicking on the word "keep" will take one to the Strong's definition of the Hebrew Word "shamar" (which is not just gardening). It is to protect, guard, watchman, preserve, etc which implies there is an enemy, a danger and Adam is responsible to guard and protect.
Eve's intended (by GOD) role is stated here:
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
By clicking on the word "help meet" one can see that it carries the meaning of aid, succour, one who helps. But please notice the other occurances of the Word by scrolling down the page at that link. The same word translated "help meet" of women is used of God.
So the husband has the authority to protect, nurture, nourish, cherish, love, understand, value, esteem, and respect his wife (see also Eph 5 and 1Peter 3 instructions for husbands). And the wife has the authority to help, nourish, love, humbly support Christlikeness (aka submit to), and reverence her husband (see also Eph 5 and 1Peter 3 instructions for wives)
John Gill (1697-1771) Bible Commentary: I will made him an help meet for him; one to help him in all the affairs of life, not only for the propagation of his species , but to provide things useful and comfortable for him ; to dress his food , and take care of the affairs of the family ; one "like himself" {c}, in nature, temper, and disposition, in form and shape; or one "as before him" {d}, that would be pleasing to his sight, and with whom he might delightfully converse, and be in all respects agreeable to him , and entirely answerable to his case and circumstances, his wants and wishes.
She sounds very much like a "household appliance".
Slightly more useful than a plain doormat.
Here is a description which really ministered to me. I found it very edifying and empowering in a way which is constructive to both myself, my husband, and our marriage:
From Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. “It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]” (Gen 2:18 Alter). Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is “notoriously difficult to translate”. The various attempts we have in English are “helper” or “companion” or the notorious “help meet”. Why are these translations so incredibly wimpy, boring, flat... disappointing? What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing “One day I shall be a help meet?” Companion? A dog can be a companion. Helper? Sounds like Hamburger Helper. Alter is getting close when he translates it “sustainer beside him.”
The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.
Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he were not there beside you... you are dead. A better translation of ezer would be “lifesaver”. Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.
Gen 1:26-28 God gave both male and female dominion: they are the King and the Queen
I do see them given different roles
Gen 2:15¶ And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
Clicking on the word "keep" will take one to the Strong's definition of the Hebrew Word "shamar" (which is not just gardening). It is to protect, guard, watchman, preserve, etc which implies there is an enemy, a danger and Adam is responsible to guard and protect.
Eve's intended (by GOD) role is stated here:
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
By clicking on the word "help meet" one can see that it carries the meaning of aid, succour, one who helps. But please notice the other occurances of the Word by scrolling down the page at that link. The same word translated "help meet" of women is used of God.
So the husband has the authority to protect, nurture, nourish, cherish, love, understand, value, esteem, and respect his wife (see also Eph 5 and 1Peter 3 instructions for husbands). And the wife has the authority to help, nourish, love, humbly support Christlikeness (aka submit to), and reverence her husband (see also Eph 5 and 1Peter 3 instructions for wives)
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