Monday, January 19, 2009

kephale- source of strength

from "Livin' it and Lovin' it" by Joel and Kathy Davisson

Source of Strength

Source of strength or source of life as the meaning of “kephale” makes sense. Its reality is seen – for good or for bad – in every Christian marriage. Some men use this principle to feed life into their marriage; some men feed death.

The wrong belief that “headship” means authority or rank has never helped anyone! It has only served to validate selfish and controlling men. Men who are naturally good husbands don’t concern themselves with questions about who is in authority in their homes.

Good husbands are servants. They have great marriages because they have been nurturing their wives all along without understanding the true concept of headship. When the good guys (hmm… one out of 500?) were taught that headship meant authority, they heard “servanthood.” Clueless husbands want to talk in terms of “leadership.” The current buzzword is “servant*leadership.” Great husbands don’t care. They are too busy thinking of ways to bless and serve their wives and children.

If your wife asked you to read this book then you*can be pretty sure that you are not one of these naturally born good husbands. You are like me and the other 499! You probably try but you have had a lack of knowledge about how to have a great marriage. Your wife is praying desperately that you will hear this message loudly and clearly!

We, the 499, thought that our wives were not allowed to tell us what to do. Why? Because we believed that we were in charge! We were taught wrongly that we were the “head of our homes,” being interpreted “You are in charge!”

We believed that our wives were trying to control us when they expressed insecurities and fears. We told them point blank, by word or action, “You can’t control me! I will do whatever I want! I am in charge of me and I am in charge of you!” Why? We believed that we were the boss! What is the truth? A husband and wife are to be*one flesh. They are to come to decisions together. They are to lead together as a team. He is not her boss and she is not his.

The key is that marriage is equal.

Equal servanthood. Equal authority.

The idea that headship bestows final authority upon a husband is just plain wrong. What did Jesus say about this?

But JESUS said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you.” Mark 10:42-43

When a husband treats his wife well by validating and affirming her she is strengthened.

When he honors her, assuring her of his love, she is energized.

When he is being gentle, loving and kind, she is enabled to become his dream wife. She abounds with energy. She becomes easy going and looks for ways to please him. Her self-image is strong. Her confidence skyrockets. She is healed of past wounds and abuses.

When a husband treats his wife poorly by devaluing, dishonoring and ignoring her then her energy is depleted. Her self image suffers. She acts out in passive or aggressive ways. She has no confidence and her lack of self esteem is evident in her countenance. She may hide it behind a façade that blusters with arrogance or an overblown sense of ego. She might be honest about how she feels and cry a lot.

When a wife is mistreated for an extended period of time she goes downhill as she struggles to survive. She is always living in her last ounce of strength. She walks in the pain and insecurity of past abuses and has no natural motivation to please her husband. Some wives dutifully look for ways to please a husband who is bringing death to her. She hopes that she can convince him to love her by treating him well. This seldom works.

It normally makes things worse.

Other wives give up trying and could seemingly care less. They do care. They care deeply. Some wives care so deeply that they finally file for divorce to ease the pain. When a man is becoming the husband that his wife needs him to be – he is becoming the man that God has called him to be. She then increases in stature, strength and inner beauty with each passing year.

Yes, a husband is the head of his wife but that does not mean at all what you have always thought that it meant. It means that your marriage rises and falls on what a husband does or doesn’t do. A husband is a source of life or death. You can’t argue or deny it. You can only choose how you will respond.

What will you feed into your marriage? What will it be? Choose today. Life? Or death?