He put a new song in my mouth

I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40:1-3

I’m taking the Beth Moore course “Beloved Disciple” at the moment. She has several lovely paragraphs on singing “a new song” On Psalm 40:1-3, she writes, “If we are willing, we can also receive a new song from God that arises from hardship’s victories, not necessarily in musical notes but in fresh truths engraved on the heart. These are precious gifts that eventually come to those who keep the faith and wait to see God redeem great difficulty. These songs can be heard by others but they cannot be learned secondhand.”

God's will for Christian Wives- (OYE! What a DESPOT!)

quoted from "Man of Her Dreams, Woman of His" by Joel and Kathy Davisson

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Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry,
bear children, manage the house, give no
opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

The word translated here as “manage” the house, means to be the head of a family! The Greek word is "oikodespoteo" (3616 in Strong’s) which means, “to be the head of” or in other words “to rule” a family.

Now it is getting hot in here.

The King James Version interprets this as to “guide the house”. That was a safe translation.

I can imagine that if the translators had translated the word literally that women are to be the head of a family or rule the family there would have been problems. They might have heard the much feared words from the king, “Off with his head!”

The word we just looked at, “oikodespoteo,” is taken from the word “oikodespotes,” which means exactly the same thing: to be the head of a family. King James translates this in other verses as “goodman of the house”, “householder” and “master of the house.”

For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that
is an householder, which went out early in the
morning to hire laborers into his vineyard.
Matthew 20:1

The word translated “householder” in Matthew 20:1 is the same word used to describe a wife’s leadership in the home. This person was in charge! He hired the laborers. This is a parable describing leadership in the same way that a wife is authorized to be the head of the house.

So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then
the master of the house being angry said to his servant,
Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and
bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
Luke 14:21

Here the word is translated “master of the house”. This is what the wife is supposed to be! The master of the house! How can this be? How can God tell both the husband and wife to be the head of the house together?

HE IS GOD! God planned it this way! God’s plan for leadership in your home is one of team leadership and mutual submission. Another word to describe mutual submission would be mutual “adaptation”.

What are we after? We are after teamwork and mutual respect when it comes to leading the family unit. That is what the Bible teaches; husbands and wives working together, leading their home as a team. The two become ONE!

You can do this. I know it is a new paradigm. Just remember that the goal is to grow up.

Adults do not always demand their way. Toddlers do. You really do not want to stay at the emotional age of a toddler.

Emphasizing that you are the head of the house and demanding that your wife submit to and obey you only does one thing. It leaves you as a forty- or fifty-year old toddler who throws temper tantrums when things do not go his way.

Quit living like this. You are better than that.

The only way for you to become the man that God has called you to be is to become the husband your wife needs you to be.

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Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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A common Christian notion emphasizes the need for a woman to always have a quiet spirit before she approaches her husband. She can come to him only if she conveys a positive, uplifting manner. A man who buys this philosophy usually rationalizes, “If my wife would just approach me in a nicer way, I would have a Christlike response. If she would stop being so offensive toward me, everything would be fine.”

Imagine if you would, a desperate woman approaching her husband with a soft, uplifting appeal. Keep in mind that his wife is to portray a pleasant look and a soft-spoken gentleness in her approach. She says, “Sweetheart, there’s something I regretfully submit to you because I’m sure it conveys a terrible spirit of ungratefulness in me for all you’ve done, but being crushed, my spirit is dying within me (Continued gentle smile, speaking softly.) I don’t know how a person could be so emotionally violated in a relationship. (Still examining herself for respectfulness in her attitude.) Although I know it is my problem, the hate I have for you is overwhelming. And because our relationship is deteriorating daily, the love I had for you when we were married has died. (Still maintaining a relaxed body posture and casual tone of voice.)”

If your wife said that to you, how believable would that be? Those words, spoken in that manner, would be totally incredible....

I’m not saying that hostility or bitterness is acceptable...

As a man, tell me you’ve never been mad at God. Tell me that when you are angry and reactionary, you don’t speak in negative terms to Him or anyone else. And when you were angry with God, did He reject you, or did He , in full understanding of your distraught condition, minister unconditional love and patience to you? Pg 75

Let me remind you that a wife is not oblivious to the fact that her hostile, angry, irrational responses are not godly. She feels guilty becasue she believes she is not responding to the grace of God, which she understands is sufficient for her.... You see, her knowing that her responses are wrong is also part of what is eating at her. It is heaping inner guilt on her and making her spirit even heavier.

Yet what is your purpose: to focus on her shame or to care for your wife’s spirit? Do you think you will minister to her if you merely get an admission from her that her responses are wrong?...

Isn’t your goal to build your marriage relationship so that its central focus is Christlikeness- letting your wife know that no matter what, she can trust you to respond with a Christlike attitude toward her?...

I’d like to emphasize the need to get past the tendency to point the finger of blame at what we perceive is “wrong” and move on the more beneficial territory of ministering to the need represented by the “wrong”

Imagine a friend coming into your house bleeding from a stab wound and getting blood on your favorite carpet. Would you scold your friend for getting blood on the carpet? Would you justify the scolding as necessary because “after all a carpet was not really made to be bled upon, was it?”

Wouldn’t it be more cruel if the one who did the stabbing (even accidentally) was also the one doing the scolding?...

My job is to help husbands see how they are stabbing the spirits of their wives. You see, if husbands stopped stabbing the spirits of their wives, they would no longer have to scold them because their emotions are bleeding all over their marriages... 139-40

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"The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband Is..." by Ken Nair

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband Is... by Ken Nair

quote:The biblical teaching that the wife is part of God's accountability structure to help us become Christlike is astonishingly threatening to men everywhere, especially to men in spiritual leadership roles...

The role of boss really means that the husband can disregard his wife's needs while abundantly taking care of his own...

I am constantly astonished thea men in spiritual leadership roles never seem to have read Philippians 2:3-4 in the context of their responsibilities in the home...

Contrary to popular notions, most wives do not want to occupy the throne in their marriages. A wife wants her husband to be her spiritual leader, but she is designed by God to feel secure only when she sees that her husband is not the final authority in their marriage, that he is looking to God for direction and guidance. Only then can she be confident that her relationship with her husband will be based on scriptural principles and not on her husband's personal preferences which she recognizes can be prejudiced or selfishly motivated. Rather than argue with her when a husband discovers that his wife truly feels that he is prejudiced or selfish, he should be willing to learn what he can do to change in order to restore her confidence in him.

From God's perspective, becoming Christlike is more important to a man that developing a home government in which the husband is established as king. And more important than being the boss is having the character traits of mercy and justice....

The Christian community seems to have wandered so far away from the idea that Christians must be like Christ that it's as if this is a new calling... pg 43-45

The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #2

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair


quote:You see, if you want to discover the mind of a woman, you need to recognize that when she is talking to you about what you are doing or saying, she usually wants you to see the attitudes you are showing... And since God is concerned about attitudes, she is reflecting His concern to you...

When women talk about husband-wife relationships, they usually emphasize attitueds and emotions.... Need I remind you that God says a husband's responsibility is to understand his wife- not vice versa?...

Insisting that she see my side doesn't make me understanding...

Sure, go ahead and insist that your wife understand you. But it would be more Christlike if you said to youself, "I'm going to demand that I settle for nothing less than completely understanding my wife, even if it seems one-sided. I'm going to insist that she help me see my poor attitudes and emotional weaknesses." That selflessness on your part will not remain one-sided. Your wife will be drawn to you with deep deep love for you... pg 202-203

The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #3

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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What would happen if you gave your wife the freedom to express exactly how she feels about you and what you are doing? Would you feel threatened? ...

I’ve suggested a number of times that men’s unwillingness to give their wives the freedom to say exactly how they feel is at the heart of relationship disagreements... often a key reason they walk out one day, much to the surprise of their husbands... because of the muzzles their husbands have placed on them...

Initially I was taken aback to discover that some men are threatened by the amount of freedom I give my wife. They reacted strongly when I suggested... the value of giving their wives the freedom to help them recognize where they, the husbands, need to improve...

I am not suggesting that a wife demand the right to express concerns to her husband... Instead, I believe it is biblical for the husband to ask his wife to help him see himself through her eyes, to help him think something through from a different perspective....

I grant you, letting your wife put the binoculars on you and isolate genuine weaknesses, even sin, is not like taking a pleasant trip to the zoo....

However... It’s amazing what a difference personal transparency makes in a relationship... pg 185-6

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The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #4

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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Ignorance along with the flesh’s self-preserving nature, makes a formidable foe. If we do not accept the responsibility for providing Christlike spiritual leadership, we will also be incapable of receiving the messages God is trying to convey to us through our wives. Not living with our wives in an understanding manner carries two consequences: we do not receive God’s messages for our spiritual growth, and we make it difficult , if not impossible, for God to regard our prayers (1 Pet. 3:7) pg. 76-77

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The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #5

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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RADICAL CHRISTLIKENESS NEEDED
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I'm sure you have heard many preachers and Sunday school teachers say that we as Christians ought to be Christlike. But I didn't find anyone in my experience as a Christian who was teaching or demonstrating how to rigorously apply Christlikeness to the husband's role in the marriage relationship or to the father's relationship with his children. Instead, the traditional teaching focused on the need for the wife to ve submissive to her husband no matter what. That teaching had been easy for me to quickly absorb and wholeheartedly accept.

What I didn't recognize, and I still find most men don't recognize is the full significance of Ephesians 5:25-27:

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

We basically stop reading and internalizing what God is teaching us after the first part, "Husbands love your wives." As a result, we don't get the full implication of what it means to love our wives as Christ loved the church. If we did, we would begin to discover the minds and spirits of wour wives, and that discovery would transform the marriage relationship...

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The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #6

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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I Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

That provision includes more than money. It also includes spiritual leadership, emotional care, understanding, comfort, compassion, and friendship. It means that a wife must have a very high priority in her husband’s life...

A wife determines her husband’s Christlike character by his willingness to let her participate in his life. More often than not, that means that her husband is willing to be held answerable even to his wife as the Holy Spirit alerts her to his character flaws.

Too many husbands, even in our supposedly enlightened generation, reveal their natural tendency to think of themselves as the boss and ruler of the marriage. This attitude is reinforced by the popular notion in Christian circles that a woman’s only requirements in marriage are to be a silent, obedient, submissive wife. And that submission, regardless of conditions, better be with a gracious pleasantness, or she is not a good Christian woman. Implicit in this attitude is that wives are to be flawless- while husbands excuse their behavior by various rationalizations, none of which will hold up when they appear before the great judge of the universe. God is not deceived by spiritual rationalizations of inexcusable behavior in the home by self-styled Christian leaders.

We read in Proverbs 11:29: "He who troubles his own household inherits the wind." That is exactly what is happening in Christian marriages all over the world where men are unwilling to let God use their wives to bring about accountability for Christlike character...

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The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair #7

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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Pg 115-116
In the previous chapter we covered symptoms that reveal a problem husband, a husband who is not living with his wife in an understanding way, who is not demonstrating Christlikeness in his attitudes toward her, who is not being encouraging and supportive, as Christ encourages and supports the church through thick and thin. I have discovered that all of these problems reveal a lack of sensitivity, a failure to minister to a wife’s spirit.

“Right”, you may be saying, even a bit sarcastically. “I’ve got to take all the blame for what’s wrong. But if you knew my wife, you wouldn’t say that I had failed. She had all these problems long before I met her.”

Granted. But let me ask you how long you have been married...

“Okay... HAS SHE GOTTEN BETTER OR WORSE SINCE YOU MARRIED HER?” I ask.

What would your answer be? Without fail, the husbands reply, “WORSE”. I that is your answer, then my next question is, “If you are the spiritual leader in your home, and the job of a spiritual leader is to bring the one you are responsible for to spiritual maturity, then why has your wife gotten worse instead of better?”

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