Prayers of Paul (this prints out nicely on a single side of one page. I have it in two columns with my favorite phrases bolded)
Rom. 15:5 ¶ May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6 that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ... 13 ¶ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Phil 1:9 ¶ And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
Eph.1:16 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power in us who believe, according to the working of his great might
Eph.3:14 ¶ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.
I Thess 5:23 ¶ May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Col. 1:9 ¶ And so, from the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 to lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 ¶ giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
I Thess.1:2 ¶ We give thanks to God always for you all, constantly mentioning you in our prayers,
3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.
I Thess. 3:9 For what thanksgiving can we render to God for you, for all the joy which we feel for your sake before our God, 10 praying earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face and supply what is lacking in your faith? 11 ¶ Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you; 12 and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all men, as we do to you, 13 so that he may establish your hearts unblamable in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
II Thess1:11 ¶ To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his call, and may fulfil every good resolve and work of faith by his power, 12 so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
II Thess. 2:16 ¶ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, 17 comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.
II Thess 3:5 May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
This was a handout from a mission class at Elim Bible College:
quote:
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .
2. Proud people are seIf-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.
3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .
4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.
6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.
8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.
9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .
10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .
11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don't deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.
15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.
16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.
17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.
18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.
19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.
22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God's spirit.
23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.
24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them
25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.
26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.
27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light
28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
29. Proud people are unbroken and don't think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
quote:
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.
1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .
2. Proud people are seIf-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.
3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .
4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.
6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.
8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.
9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .
10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .
11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don't deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.
15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.
16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.
17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.
18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.
19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.
22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God's spirit.
23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.
24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them
25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.
26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.
27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light
28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
29. Proud people are unbroken and don't think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Procrastination
This is from John Powell SJ's book Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?
It struck me because my 21 yo son is a procrastinator and I realize now, how my/our parenting has contributed to it
It struck me because my 21 yo son is a procrastinator and I realize now, how my/our parenting has contributed to it
quote:
It has been said that the greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making mistakes. Indecision and uncertainty are ways of avoiding mistakes and responsibility. If no decision is made nothing can go wrong. The inclination to avoid decisions is sometimes manifested by dragging out as long as possible the ones we actually must make. The only real mistake is not learning from our mistakes.
The basic problem here is self esteem and the protection of self-esteem. People who are indecisive fear that they will lose respect if their decision turns out to be wrong. Only little men, someone has said, are never wrong. We learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. But the indecisive person is so focused on his own ego and personal value that he does not see the validity of all these truths. The name of the game is safety and self-protection; the motto: Nothing attempted, nothing lost.
Very often, too, indecisiveness results in people who have been programed by multitudinous (and sometimes contradictory) instructions and moralizing, or who have been reproached and embarrassed for past mistakes. Finally, indecisiveness can result in a person's attempting to support more emotionally burdening problems than he can solve. He usually becomes rattled and can decide none of them
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
"When you find yourself in a difficult marriage..."
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?
When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that's not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.
The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times
The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you'd marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he's called you to be and to do the work he's created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: "He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God's grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God's provision, care, and life-giving strength....
That's the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he's beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God's Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live...
By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.
"We can't guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it."
How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?
When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that's not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.
The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times
The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you'd marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he's called you to be and to do the work he's created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: "He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God's grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God's provision, care, and life-giving strength....
That's the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he's beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God's Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live...
By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.
"We can't guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it."
Sacred Influence - "God, not your marital status, defines your life."- #1
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Is that true of you? The more it is, the more success your will have in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit their influence.
Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care much about what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you? Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you? When their opinion doesn’t matter; they may communicate clearly, honestly, and practically- but you’re still not going to listen to them. In the same way, if your husband doesn’t respect you, if you have sinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better? (Pg 21)
...if you will do almost anything to gain his acceptance- then you’ve just given to a man what rightfully belongs to God alone.
And that means you’ve turned marriage into idol worship.
When you do that, both you and your husband lose....
In addition, how will you ever find the courage to confront someone whose acceptance so determines your sense of well being that you believe you can’t exist without him? How will you ever take the risk to say what needs to be said if you think your future depends on your husband’s favor toward you? (Pg. 27)
If you truly want to love, motivate, and influence your husband, your first step must be to connect- and to stay connected- with God. Find your refuge, security, comfort, strength, and hope in him. (Pg. 28)
It’s not your pain that motivates him but his pain. You have to be willing to create an environment... in which your spouse will be motivated by his pain. This is a courageous and healthy movement toward your spouse and toward preserving and strengthening your marriage, and is an act of commitment, not rebellion (pg. 31)
Once you fully understand your status before God, you need never again live at the mercy of a man’s approval. (Pg. 33)
More from from Sacred Influence
More from from Sacred Influence
Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:
Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:
quote:In addition to addressing how to deal with an angry husband, he has chapters for women married to unbelievers, workaholics, a man having an affair, etc. I didn't read those. I read Chapter 14 "Pure Passion" which addresses- in part- the problem of porn:
When a man is condescending and dictatorial toward his wife, when he treats her like hired help, when he requires her to dole out sexual favors on demand- the last place he should look to justify his lifestyle is in the Bible. His actions and attitudes offend God's revealed will and written Word. This is not marriage as God designed it, and it is not what Genesis, Proverbs, and Paul teach regarding the roles of husband and wife. (pg. 86)
quote:
Let me put it this way: 51 percent of pastors cite cyberporn as a possible temptation, and 37 percent confess it as a current struggle. In facty, four out of every ten pastors have visited a porn site. Sixty-six percent of the the men attending a church seminar admitted to struggling with porn in the past year; two thirds of these men serve in church leadership...
'The philosophical message of porn is that women are sex objects intended for the male's pleasure...
Only the rare husband, maybe one out of a thousand will listen to you rather than resent you when you stand up to his sexual demands. He will need to hear it from someone else... (pg 197)
Sacred Influence - "Taming Husband's Anger"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas-
Chapter 10 Taming the Temper Part 1: Self Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger
Chapter 10 Taming the Temper Part 1: Self Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger
As long as a woman blames herself for causing her husband’s temper, she ignores the real problem: she’s the target, not the cause. As long as a woman thinks she causes the anger, she accepts blame for her husband’s problem.... you need to know that it’s impossible to live with an angry man without making him angry. But you can remove yourself as the target.
Ray grew up with a very critical alcoholic father who taught him that relationships are built on extremely high expectations. Ray admits, “Sometimes I have little patience, and yes, I can be intolerant of other people’s patterns...”
At first, Jo responded to Ray’s angry tone with defensiveness and guilt, thinking she was most likely in the wrong. But after Jo analyzed several confrontations, she eventually decided Ray wasn’t always right, which led her to react with anger of her own- and that only made things worse...
As I said before, you are most vulnerable to sin when you are sinned against. Your husband’s inappropriate expression of anger does not excuse your inappropriate expression of anger: “He who loves a quarrel loves sin” (Proverbs 17:9). ...
Jo... explains, “What I sensed God saying to me was to use communication that was direct and nonattacking and that showed self-respect: ‘This is what I need from you,’ or ‘Would you please communicate in a way that isn’t so frightening?’”... Note the spiritual foundation behind this transformation: Jo allowed God to change her which resulted in her husband’s spiritual growth.
Ray explains, “Before, if I was condescending to her or demeaning or critical, then she would respond very quickly and very angrily back: ‘Don’t talk to me that way! Don’t use that tone of voice when you’re talking to me!” Her face would get tight and tense, and I thought, ‘ Boy she’s really hurting. I’ve touched a deep nerve in there somewhere’ but I didn’t understand why she was making such a big deal out of it.’
In the midst of subsequent blowups, Jo concentrated on being firm but gentle. “I need for you to reword that so I don’t feel so defensive.” ... “I care about you very much, and I need you to know that what you said was hurtful”. She dropped the sharp “Don’t talk to me that way!”
According to Ray, Jo’s previous method of communicating “just made me feel guilty. I already knew I had *****ed up, and here she was piling it on... And when you already feel low about yourself... you’re more likely yo strike back and escalate the intensity.”
Ray says that what made him the angriest was being misunderstood. He believes that Jo sometimes just looked at his behavior without giving him the benefit of the doubt. That perplexed and frustrated him which would escalate into anger. In fact, Ray believes, on many occasions he had good intentions, but when Jo assumed the worst, he became frustrated , which in turn made him angry- and then he chose to lash out.
Sacred Influence- "Taming Husband's Anger"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Spiritual Preparation
There’s another principle we can learn from Jo’s experience: in order to confront anger in your man, you’re going to need to put your own spiritual house in order; otherwise you’ll likely lack the strength, courage, and perspective to help your husband...
When you live with an angry man, you not only crave but literally need God’s affirmation. Men can be very cruel with their cutting comments if you aren’t receiving affirmation and affection from your heavenly Father, you’re going to feel emotionally empty and perhaps even worthless- and that will feed into your husband’s response and tempt you to become even more of a doormat...
So if you’re living with an angry man, please accept my encouragement to spend all that much more time in worship, prayer, and Christian community so that you can soak up the love, affirmation, and affection you need for a healthy spiritual life. From such a strong spiritual core, you can face the hurt and frustration in your marriage as Jo did.
Armed with her standing before God, Jo made it clear to Ray that while she wanted to understand his frustration, she would not put up with verbal harassment....
Ray says, “I wanted to recognize her needs. When Jo stood up to me, it told me she valued herself. SO I valued her. It made me understand that Jo is a person with a lot of Character; she cares about herself, and I think every man wants that . I don’t think men want a woman they can just run over...”
This goes back to the point made in the very first chapter; respect is vital in a marriage, and not just for a woman toward her man, but also for a man toward his wife. If your husband doesn’t respect you, you’re going to have a very difficult time influencing him in any significant way. And if you don’t respect yourself, you’ll make it that much more difficult for you husband to respect you...
Angry men sometimes tell me something they rarely tell their wives: they feel ashamed of how they’ve acted; they hate what they’ve become. In most cases when you help a husband tame his temper, you’re helping him to become th kind of man he wants to be.
Sacred Influence- "Helping Him Love You"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Helping Him Love You
In her role as an inspirational speaker, Jo has met many women whose husbands have cowed them into an “unhealthy doormat mode”. Sadly, sometimes this posture gets couched in religious language and represents a complete misreading of biblical submission. Jo observes, “Women don’t tell men what they need because we’ve been taught its selfish to even think of ourselves. In fact, some of us aren’t in touch with our own feelings enough to even know what we need...”
This “martyr” method of marriage, though common among well meaning Christian women, shortchanges both husband and wife. Your husband will prosper spiritually and personally by excelling in loving you. God designed marriage, in part, to help both husband and wife grow in character. If you do all the sacrificing, if your husband runs over you, he’s not growing; he’s shrinking, spiritually speaking. He’s becoming lower in character. You may well become a saint after living with such a man for twenty years, but he is going to become increasingly miserable, because ultimately, any man who treats others poorly begins to despise himself. This might sound backward, but you need to love your husband by teaching him how to love you, because its spiritually healthy for him to grow in loving you.
At one time, the thought of telling her husband what she needed would have sounded selfish to Jo, and she would have dismissed the thought. She has since learned that respect matters and that a husband won’t truly love a woman for whom he has no respect. Jo realized that if she didn’t respect herself, her husband would adopt that same attitude of disrespect....
An angry husband often acts as if only his wife needs to change. This is a false view based on a lack of respect.
Sacred Influence- "Taming... Husband's Anger: Spiritual Lessons"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming... Husband's Anger
Spiritual Lessons
In addition to changing her verbal presentation with Ray, Jo went through a threefold spiritual process to see who she was in Christ. The biblical way in which God honors women- and the affirming way in which Jesus treated women- contrasted starkly with the subservient description she often heard applied to women in many churches. “When I looked into Scripture and realized who I was in Christ, I started valuing that. God thinks of me as a person of value and I needed to agree with him!” She had learned the truth highlighted earlier: God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Next, Jo applied this same “person of value” approach to Ray: “Not only does God value me as a woman and wife; he values Ray as a man and husband. When Ray spoke to me out of anger, I didn’t value him as God does. I resented him. I feared him. But I didn’t value him. It wasn’t until I stood up to Ray that I could begin to value him....
When a woman truly values a man she stands up to him and says, “You’re better than that. Don’t do this to yourself or us” A faithful sister in Christ challenges her man to grow in grace, mercy, and humility...
It was not God’s best for Ray to let his temper direct his relationships. “Many Christian spouses do not hold each other accountable.” Jo warns...
By holding each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ, we not only address issues that have the potential to wreck our families; we also help each other learn how to better relate to people in general. Genuine believers will welcome this process of sanctification.
Spiritual Lessons
In addition to changing her verbal presentation with Ray, Jo went through a threefold spiritual process to see who she was in Christ. The biblical way in which God honors women- and the affirming way in which Jesus treated women- contrasted starkly with the subservient description she often heard applied to women in many churches. “When I looked into Scripture and realized who I was in Christ, I started valuing that. God thinks of me as a person of value and I needed to agree with him!” She had learned the truth highlighted earlier: God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Next, Jo applied this same “person of value” approach to Ray: “Not only does God value me as a woman and wife; he values Ray as a man and husband. When Ray spoke to me out of anger, I didn’t value him as God does. I resented him. I feared him. But I didn’t value him. It wasn’t until I stood up to Ray that I could begin to value him....
When a woman truly values a man she stands up to him and says, “You’re better than that. Don’t do this to yourself or us” A faithful sister in Christ challenges her man to grow in grace, mercy, and humility...
It was not God’s best for Ray to let his temper direct his relationships. “Many Christian spouses do not hold each other accountable.” Jo warns...
By holding each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ, we not only address issues that have the potential to wreck our families; we also help each other learn how to better relate to people in general. Genuine believers will welcome this process of sanctification.
Sacred Influence- from "Taming the Temper Part 2"
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
from Chapter 11- Taming the Temper Part 2: Learning to Navigate through Your Husband’s Anger
If you live with an angry man, this is your "spiritual marathon". You're going to be challenged in ways that may terrify you. Women who marry abusive men often had abusive fathers, and they've developed a lifelong portrait of themselves as victims. It will go against every learned response in your hurting soul to finally stand up and say you're not going to take it anymore- but doing so is the pathway to healing, hope, and a healthier marriage.
You may feel terrified, but think with me about a future in which you are supported instead of threatened, in which you feel adored instead of attacked and appreciated instead of insulted. Isn't it worth the risk for you and your children, to work toward such a marriage?...
Your God is with you, and his people will surround you. Spend some time asking God to bring some helpers into your life before you act; this may be the wisest step you can take. And then more forward from there. If you keep stepping out in faith, you'll discover just how strong you can become in Christ- and that's a valuable life lesson. If you persevere in this, you won't even recognize yourself several years down the road. That timid, fearful, victimized personality will vanish in favor or a strong, wise, bold, and courageous woman of faith.
"Sacred Influence" - STOP the generational pattern!
Thomas does not rule out separation from an unrepentantly abusive husband.
from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas:
quote:
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If as a result of this confrontation he chooses to repent and seek to grow, in the end he'll thank you. After he confronts his behavior and begins to make changes, he'll find it far more fulfilling to love, nurture, encourage, and support a woman than to abuse one. If he doesn't repent, you certainly do face some dark days ahead; but in the end, that will be better than remaining in a home where you fear for your life. Furthermore, you'll teach your children that their father's behavior simply isn't acceptable. Your daughters will learn not to put up with that kind of behavior, and your courageous action can help to stop a generational pattern of destruction. pg 155
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from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas:
quote:
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If as a result of this confrontation he chooses to repent and seek to grow, in the end he'll thank you. After he confronts his behavior and begins to make changes, he'll find it far more fulfilling to love, nurture, encourage, and support a woman than to abuse one. If he doesn't repent, you certainly do face some dark days ahead; but in the end, that will be better than remaining in a home where you fear for your life. Furthermore, you'll teach your children that their father's behavior simply isn't acceptable. Your daughters will learn not to put up with that kind of behavior, and your courageous action can help to stop a generational pattern of destruction. pg 155
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Beth Moore on Solitude
from Beth Moore's "Beloved Disciple" pg 79-80
...we are each on our own before God. Every life is separate and distinct. We may think we have partnerships in life or ministry without which we cannot exist or operate. We may think that everything in the Christian experience is about body life, but it’s not. Yes, we’re all parts of the body of Christ, and we function in each generation as parts of a whole; but until we each stand before God with a shocking awareness of our solitary standing, I’m not sure we have a clue about our part.
I don’t believe that one of us who is serious about God will forego this test. It’s no 30 minute quiz; it’s a lifelong essay test written in blood. Will we loose our hold on anything and anyone else as a prerequisite to following Christ in the intensity of aloneness? If you can answer quickly, I’m not sure you grasp the question’s seriousness....
moments come when the awareness of my solitary estate before God so radically overwhelms me that I fall to my knees and weep. Bitterly. Frighteningly. The feeling is so intense that at times I can hardly bear it...
How much of your life you’ve invested in Jesus Christ is the issue. Have we held some back for ourselves- just in case He’s not as real, as powerful, as active as we thought? Just in case He doesn’t come through? Just in case He really can’t be taken at His Word? Or have we banked everything we have and everything we are on the reality that Jesus Christ is Lord of all the earth? We will never fulfill our destinies until our hope is built on nothing less.
We can lock arms with fellow servants just as the disciples did. We will experience a measure of God’s anointing and perform some significant works. For the parts of a whole to work as God intended them, however, each part must stand on its own before a highly personal God. If we insist on a boat full of company, we’ll miss the waves where we ride only one at a time. When a wave of loneliness suddenly erupts, ride it. Let your stomach rise and fall with fear and peculiar excitement. Don’t fight the feeling. Don’t just busy yourself. Ride the wave straight into the presence of God and experience the adventure of feeling you’re the only one there.
The intensity of your solitary estate is often most obvious when you fight to reconcile the facts of life with the words of faith. Do you grapple with questions like, Why did God let my brother die but perform a miracle for my best friend? I’m not sure if John ever figured this one out...
Solitude is not so much the place we find answers as the place we decide if we’re going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and majestic God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don’t realize how real He is until we’ve experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakable conviction that He is utterly and supremely God.
...we are each on our own before God. Every life is separate and distinct. We may think we have partnerships in life or ministry without which we cannot exist or operate. We may think that everything in the Christian experience is about body life, but it’s not. Yes, we’re all parts of the body of Christ, and we function in each generation as parts of a whole; but until we each stand before God with a shocking awareness of our solitary standing, I’m not sure we have a clue about our part.
I don’t believe that one of us who is serious about God will forego this test. It’s no 30 minute quiz; it’s a lifelong essay test written in blood. Will we loose our hold on anything and anyone else as a prerequisite to following Christ in the intensity of aloneness? If you can answer quickly, I’m not sure you grasp the question’s seriousness....
moments come when the awareness of my solitary estate before God so radically overwhelms me that I fall to my knees and weep. Bitterly. Frighteningly. The feeling is so intense that at times I can hardly bear it...
How much of your life you’ve invested in Jesus Christ is the issue. Have we held some back for ourselves- just in case He’s not as real, as powerful, as active as we thought? Just in case He doesn’t come through? Just in case He really can’t be taken at His Word? Or have we banked everything we have and everything we are on the reality that Jesus Christ is Lord of all the earth? We will never fulfill our destinies until our hope is built on nothing less.
We can lock arms with fellow servants just as the disciples did. We will experience a measure of God’s anointing and perform some significant works. For the parts of a whole to work as God intended them, however, each part must stand on its own before a highly personal God. If we insist on a boat full of company, we’ll miss the waves where we ride only one at a time. When a wave of loneliness suddenly erupts, ride it. Let your stomach rise and fall with fear and peculiar excitement. Don’t fight the feeling. Don’t just busy yourself. Ride the wave straight into the presence of God and experience the adventure of feeling you’re the only one there.
The intensity of your solitary estate is often most obvious when you fight to reconcile the facts of life with the words of faith. Do you grapple with questions like, Why did God let my brother die but perform a miracle for my best friend? I’m not sure if John ever figured this one out...
Solitude is not so much the place we find answers as the place we decide if we’re going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and majestic God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don’t realize how real He is until we’ve experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakable conviction that He is utterly and supremely God.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Beth Moore Confesses
quote from "Beloved Disciple"
'It's high time I made a blatant confession. I am a Christian hedonist. Have been for years even before I knew what it means. I wish I had better words for it, but let me just say Jesus makes me happy! He thrills me! He nearly takes my breath away with His beauty. As seriously as I know how to tell you, I am at times so overwhelmed by His love for me, my face blushes with intensity and my heart races with holy anticipation. Jesus is the uncontested delight of my life. I never intended for this to happen. I didn't even know it was possible. It all started with an in-depth study of His Word in my late 20s and then surged, oddly enough, with a near emotional and mental collapse in my early 30s. At the end of myself I came to the beginning of an intensity of relationship with Christ that no one told me was possible. Now I spend my life telling anyone who will listen...
CS Lewis wrote... "if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."'
'It's high time I made a blatant confession. I am a Christian hedonist. Have been for years even before I knew what it means. I wish I had better words for it, but let me just say Jesus makes me happy! He thrills me! He nearly takes my breath away with His beauty. As seriously as I know how to tell you, I am at times so overwhelmed by His love for me, my face blushes with intensity and my heart races with holy anticipation. Jesus is the uncontested delight of my life. I never intended for this to happen. I didn't even know it was possible. It all started with an in-depth study of His Word in my late 20s and then surged, oddly enough, with a near emotional and mental collapse in my early 30s. At the end of myself I came to the beginning of an intensity of relationship with Christ that no one told me was possible. Now I spend my life telling anyone who will listen...
CS Lewis wrote... "if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."'
Saturday, December 1, 2007
from "Boundaries in Marriage" quote #2
from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend
Yet, love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: "Perfect love casts out fear" (I John 4:18). And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...Boundaries in Marriage is fundamentally about love. It is about promoting it, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you develop love through providing a better environment for it; one of freedom and responsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in. They protect love by protecting individuals.
Yet, love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: "Perfect love casts out fear" (I John 4:18). And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...Boundaries in Marriage is fundamentally about love. It is about promoting it, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you develop love through providing a better environment for it; one of freedom and responsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in. They protect love by protecting individuals.
from "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud & Townsend
Here is an excerpt from Boundaries in Marriage about two different routes marriage can take. Mine is moving from "Harold and Sarah" to "Frank and Julia"Quoted from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend
A Tale of Two Couples...
With Harold and Sarah, I enjoyed a buffet dinner where you get a ticket for various parts of the meal and you have to leave the table with your ticket and go get your item. The dinner was winding down; we were ready for dessert. Harold reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his dessert ticket. Tossing it in front of Sarah, he said casually, “Sarah, dessert.” Not “Please, Sarah, will you get my dessert for me?” And certainly not “Can I get your dessert, honey?” Harold was assuming Sarah would obediently comply with his two word command.I didn’t know what to say, so I sat there and watched. Sarah was clearly embarrassed by Harold’s public display of control. She sat there for a couple of seconds, apparently deciding what to do. Then she seemed to gather her courage and quietly but forcefully said, “Why don’t you get your own dessert?”Harold looked surprised. Evidently he wasn’t used to her refusing to obey his commands. However, he recovered, made a weak joke about uppity women, and left the table to redeem his ticket. While he was gone, Sarah said to me, “Sorry, I just couldn’t let it go this time with my friends here.” I felt so sad for Sarah, realizing that her reaction to her husband tonight was the exception rather than the rule. I also realized that, on a deeper level, while Harold and Sarah were legally connected, they were emotionally disconnected. Their hearts were not knit together.
Frank and Julia were different. I was traveling and they were hosting me. We went to their home after dinner. After awhile it was time for me to return to my hotel, and I needed a ride. Julia, a counselor like me, was primarily responsible for my trip and had been chauffeuring me to various speaking engagements and meetings. So clearly she was the person to take me back.
However, Frank looked at his wife and said, “You look tired, honey. I’ll take John back to his hotel.” I could see the conflict in Julia’s face between her duty to me and her need for rest. Finally, she said “Okay, thanks.” And Frank drove me to the hotel.
The next day, at the conference, I talked to Julia. I remarked on Frank’s kindness in offering the ride and on her struggle with taking the offer. She said, “It wasn’t always that way. In out twenties, he wouldn’t have offered, and I wouldn’t have taken the offer. But we worked on this issue a lot during those days. I had to put my foot down on some issues, and we almost divorced. It was a difficult period, but it has paid off. We can’t imagine not being each other’s soul mates.” During my time with them, I had observed that Frank’s and Julia’s hearts were knit together, that they were emotionally connected.
Though both couples had many years of marriage experience, each couple’s love and relationship had taken very different turns. Harold and Sarah were unable to love deeply and relate to each other, because Harold controlled Sarah and Sarah allowed him to control her . They had what are called major boundary conflicts, in which one person crosses the lines of responsibility and respect with another. When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom.
from "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud & Townsend #3
from Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend
Let’s suppose your spouse is aware of your feelings and concerns, but ignores, minimizes, or otherwise resists your boundaries. If this is your situation, you have some work ahead of you. It is hard work, but it can also be the most productive thing you will ever do for your marriage...You must not approach this problem as if you are a team. At this point, you have an adversary. Like a child having a tantrum, your spouse may hate you for entering the world of boundaries. So understand that you are on your own, within the marriage, in approaching the issue. Actually, you are not alone; you have God... But you don’t expect much cooperation from your spouse.A few things you may be tempted to do will not help the situation at all. Remember these, tape them in your wallet and DON’T DO THEM!
- Don’t deny or minimize the situation if it is a significant boundary problem. Hiding from reality doesn’t change reality.
-Don’t ignore the situation, hoping it will get better. Time alone does not heal character immaturity.
-DON’T become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. Again, character issues demand more than love in order to mature.
-Don’t nag. Repeating the same protest over and over never changed anyone (Prov 21:9)
-Don’t be constantly surprised at your spouse’s behavior. This is a sign of a defensive hoping against hope. When out-of-control people have no external forces causing them pain, they generally stay out-of-control. Expect things to stay the same until you initiate changes within the marriage.
-Don’t blame. Very few marriage boundary conflicts involve an all innocent and all guilty party. Take ownership of your part of the issue, taking the log out of your own eye. (Matt 7:5)
-Don’t take total ownership of the problem. If you rescue your partner from his part, you will only make the issue worse (Prov 19:19)
Let’s suppose your spouse is aware of your feelings and concerns, but ignores, minimizes, or otherwise resists your boundaries. If this is your situation, you have some work ahead of you. It is hard work, but it can also be the most productive thing you will ever do for your marriage...You must not approach this problem as if you are a team. At this point, you have an adversary. Like a child having a tantrum, your spouse may hate you for entering the world of boundaries. So understand that you are on your own, within the marriage, in approaching the issue. Actually, you are not alone; you have God... But you don’t expect much cooperation from your spouse.A few things you may be tempted to do will not help the situation at all. Remember these, tape them in your wallet and DON’T DO THEM!
- Don’t deny or minimize the situation if it is a significant boundary problem. Hiding from reality doesn’t change reality.
-Don’t ignore the situation, hoping it will get better. Time alone does not heal character immaturity.
-DON’T become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. Again, character issues demand more than love in order to mature.
-Don’t nag. Repeating the same protest over and over never changed anyone (Prov 21:9)
-Don’t be constantly surprised at your spouse’s behavior. This is a sign of a defensive hoping against hope. When out-of-control people have no external forces causing them pain, they generally stay out-of-control. Expect things to stay the same until you initiate changes within the marriage.
-Don’t blame. Very few marriage boundary conflicts involve an all innocent and all guilty party. Take ownership of your part of the issue, taking the log out of your own eye. (Matt 7:5)
-Don’t take total ownership of the problem. If you rescue your partner from his part, you will only make the issue worse (Prov 19:19)
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