QUOTE:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men, here it is. Your wife wants a fabulous and happy relationship with you. God made her that way. In Genesis God spoke to your wife concerning this desire that she would have for you.
Your desire shall be for your husband. Genesis 3:16
She wants you, baby, she wants you! However, what God created your wife to desire is a deep, meaningful, bonded, successful relationship with you.
Bonding with your wife is a difficult thing to describe. Bonding is believing that you are equals. Bonding is treating each other with love and respect. Bonding is loving the thoughts of your partner. Bonding is being sensitive to not hurt the one you love. Bonding is becoming ‘one flesh.’ Bonding is two hearts beating as one. When you are bonded you are not manipulating and controlling your wife. You are not demanding that she serve you. You truly love her for who
she is. When you are bonded to your wife she always knows where you are and what you are doing. You are never doing your own thing in order to maintain your independence.
At the same time you are not demanding that your wife be under your thumb. You are encouraging her independence and growth. You want her to be confident. You want her to know that if something were ever to happen to you that she would be perfectly capable of living a successful life.
Everything in your wife is designed by God to work toward a bonded relationship with her husband. If you will simply grow up, meet her needs, die to yourself and give your life for your mate, then her “ticker” will work automatically. In short order you will discover that you have a most incredible wife!
God made this real easy for us men, if we will simply lay down our lives for our wives and meet their needs. When you quit throwing mud into your wife’s heart, she will respond to you with love, affection, respect and everything else that you are trying to force her to do. The key to this is that you become the man that God has called you to be by becoming the husband that your wife needs you to be.
It was difficult for me to bring down the walls of “self protection” in my heart when Kathy expressed a need to bond with me. It was not just difficult. It was almost impossible. I could not stand the negative feelings that were generated in me when she would ask me to “listen to her heart” or “listen to her feelings.” She was hurting and I was the cause. I did not want to hear about that!
I protected myself from bonding with Kathy by “throwing down the gauntlet” regularly. If we were discussing something and I wanted to quit talking about it I would tell Kathy that the subject was closed. She would try to get me to talk it out in order to get that all important sense of closure. I would tell her that she was being rebellious and unsubmissive. “I said that the conversation is over and so it is over! I am the head of this house and it is sin for you to demand that we talk further about it. You have to repent and get your heart right.”
Each wife is unique and she has the manual for her own marriage. I was very proud of all of the marriage books I read before marrying Kathy. She was thrilled to marry a guy who seemed interested in having a great relationship. The problem came after we were married and Kathy began to express what she needed from me individually. If it were not my idea, I would resist! If she wanted to talk, I would buy her flowers. If she wanted to get some flowers, I would take her out to dinner. I was insistent that Kathy be grateful and thankful for the expressions of love that I wanted to show to her instead of listening and responding to her heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment