Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

Quoted from Discovering The Mind Of A Woman The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistable Husband Is... by Ken Nair

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A common Christian notion emphasizes the need for a woman to always have a quiet spirit before she approaches her husband. She can come to him only if she conveys a positive, uplifting manner. A man who buys this philosophy usually rationalizes, “If my wife would just approach me in a nicer way, I would have a Christlike response. If she would stop being so offensive toward me, everything would be fine.”

Imagine if you would, a desperate woman approaching her husband with a soft, uplifting appeal. Keep in mind that his wife is to portray a pleasant look and a soft-spoken gentleness in her approach. She says, “Sweetheart, there’s something I regretfully submit to you because I’m sure it conveys a terrible spirit of ungratefulness in me for all you’ve done, but being crushed, my spirit is dying within me (Continued gentle smile, speaking softly.) I don’t know how a person could be so emotionally violated in a relationship. (Still examining herself for respectfulness in her attitude.) Although I know it is my problem, the hate I have for you is overwhelming. And because our relationship is deteriorating daily, the love I had for you when we were married has died. (Still maintaining a relaxed body posture and casual tone of voice.)”

If your wife said that to you, how believable would that be? Those words, spoken in that manner, would be totally incredible....

I’m not saying that hostility or bitterness is acceptable...

As a man, tell me you’ve never been mad at God. Tell me that when you are angry and reactionary, you don’t speak in negative terms to Him or anyone else. And when you were angry with God, did He reject you, or did He , in full understanding of your distraught condition, minister unconditional love and patience to you? Pg 75

Let me remind you that a wife is not oblivious to the fact that her hostile, angry, irrational responses are not godly. She feels guilty becasue she believes she is not responding to the grace of God, which she understands is sufficient for her.... You see, her knowing that her responses are wrong is also part of what is eating at her. It is heaping inner guilt on her and making her spirit even heavier.

Yet what is your purpose: to focus on her shame or to care for your wife’s spirit? Do you think you will minister to her if you merely get an admission from her that her responses are wrong?...

Isn’t your goal to build your marriage relationship so that its central focus is Christlikeness- letting your wife know that no matter what, she can trust you to respond with a Christlike attitude toward her?...

I’d like to emphasize the need to get past the tendency to point the finger of blame at what we perceive is “wrong” and move on the more beneficial territory of ministering to the need represented by the “wrong”

Imagine a friend coming into your house bleeding from a stab wound and getting blood on your favorite carpet. Would you scold your friend for getting blood on the carpet? Would you justify the scolding as necessary because “after all a carpet was not really made to be bled upon, was it?”

Wouldn’t it be more cruel if the one who did the stabbing (even accidentally) was also the one doing the scolding?...

My job is to help husbands see how they are stabbing the spirits of their wives. You see, if husbands stopped stabbing the spirits of their wives, they would no longer have to scold them because their emotions are bleeding all over their marriages... 139-40

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