Profile of an abuser

Profile of an abuser.

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His instability manifests in some or all of the following ways:... When criticisms, or even suggestions or help are offered, he can perceive these only as personal attacks or threats to his private citadel. Because of all this, typically he has been released from a number of jobs over the years, but has never been able to accept responsibility of his fault in the matter.

He is angry at root level because it seems to him that his father always criticized, rather than complimenting and affirming him, he will feel rage at his boss's corrections, but self-defensively stifle his stormy response until at home he can "thunder and lightning" all over his family. If confronted about this behavior, he projects guilt onto everyone else and withdraws...

He NEEDED to set her [his wife] up to attack him in order to maintian his right to hide in the fortress he had built from childhood to insure protection from the destructive onslaught of "mother"....And then he would relate, sometimes with tears, his poor-abused-husband tale of woe...

He fears intimacy because to him it means a loss of control, and vulnerability to the destructive imperfections of others. He chooses the the familiar agony of loneliness rather than risking the unpredictable kinds and measures of pain he is certain lurk "poised to get him" from the world beyond his defenses

He avoids efforts necessary for real growth, and thus remains immature... He may be keenly aware of his own inadequacies, but cannot seek any kind of counsel, for fear of discovery... He doesn't know that he is loved just as he is, that sins are forgivable, and that most people learn more by their mistakes than by successes...

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