THINK (at the first sign of anger, and derail the usual "reaction")
WHY am I angry? (hurt, frustration, fear)
WHAT do I want from this encounter?
HOW can I use my anger to get as much of what I want from it as possible?
from Unbreakable Bonds
quote:
Anger too is not wrong in itself but an indicator that some part of us feels unprotected. In other words, when we begin to feel angry, we can listen to that anger and know that we are communicating to ourselves that we somehow feel vulnerable, violated, attacked, threatened, or neglected in some capacity. It is our psyche's natural way to wake us up, to motivate us to learn how to attend to ourselves, offer lasting protection, offer nurturing, and build up inner strength by putting outer boundaries in place...
Controlling anger doesn't do a lot to change the underlying situation or problem. It just pushes the anger down to come out in another form. We can learn, instead, how to listen to our anger and learn where our pain is, where we feel unprotected. Then we can choose to offer ourselves protection. Instead of working really hard to control our anger, it is important for us to apply that same effort and energy toward leaning how to listen to our anger and direct our responses. We distract ourselves from further self-knowledge when we explode...
When you become angry, practice communicating to yourself what you feel. Explore where you may feel unloved or unprotected. Recognize your initial response choice... Take the time to probe what prompts your response.... use the energy you have expended on being angry...to heal!
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